Lord of the ring

Monday, October 11, 2004

Whilst I was visiting a friend before coming to London, we decided to go out to check out the local gay scene. We happened upon a bar/disco he had gone to before and it was quite nice. It so happened that on that very occasion they were having an amateur stripper contest and hosted by a drag queen (who sang quite well by the way). Me and my bud quickly got a good view even though our dance partners warned that usually the contestants weren't very stellar.

So, first off there was this guy from Toronto. Actually, he was quite good-looking, tall, blond hair, blue eyes... not a bad sight at all. But then, all of a sudden the music came on and he started taking off his clothes... WOW!!! He had this amazing body, oh man! We could hardly believe it. One of the guys who was with us even mentioned that eh had never seen such a hot guy in one of these competitions. I mean this guy was quite a sight, a regular Calvin Klein model-type, he was muscular but not bulky, he had those six-pack abs but they weren't too evident, man oh man... I think I'll skip any further description so as to not "raise" any expectations, hahaha. Anyways, he was REALLY hot. The other two contestants weren't really that bad either, but they were no contest for the moves, physical attributes and sheer sex appeal of the boiling hot Canadian (there's just something irressitible about a guy who's incredibly hot and carries himself as if he's just a regular guy.....*sigh*). So, this guy won (obviously), we danced, drank, etc, etc, etc. On the way home, we were chatting about what a hottie the winner had been and stuff, and one of the guys said he had seen that he was wearing a wedding ring. I instantly thought "Ohhhhhhhhhhh, he's married to a woman and strips at a gay bar.... how deliciously perverse". But then they guy explained: "Hello, he's from Toronto and he's gay and he's married.... get it?" Then suddenly it struck me.... SHIT! This guy wasn't a closeted gay man cheating on his wife and living a double life... he was *GASP* married to another MAN!!! LEGALLY!!! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! I couldn't believe it. I mean we weren't sure in any way, but it was actually a possibility. There he was, Adonis major, strutting his stuff in front of us and dangling that little golden band in our faces! The nerve! The frustration! The agonyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!! I WANTED ONE TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! I wanted the sheer power to flaunt my ring in front of dozens of single losers and be able to remind them of their pathetic un-marriedness and reduce them to ashes... all without even opening my mouth, just waving my hand. I finally realized what all those girls were after, what they had been in training for all their lives, why women in general are all so desperate to get married... it's for the damn ring! It's mystifying. I was all like "My preciousss, my preciouuuuuuuuuuussss! Give us the preciouuuuuuuuuuuuusssssssssss!!!!", hahaha. Finally I understood what inspired Tolkien to write a trilogy of novels centered on the pursuit of a single shiny ring... the daily dilemma of every single woman!!! Hahahaha.

Ok, a little more seriously, this was quite a shock. I had never really considered gay marriage such a reality until that night. I mean I had heard it in the news, I had read about it, seen pictures, etc, etc, etc.... but it's all so different from actually SWITNESSING in with you own eyes. It caused quite an impression. What conclusion can I draw from this? Will the homosexual lifestyle drastically change now that the institution of marriage is a viable option (in some places)? Will young boys be brought up to look for good husbands? Will young men compete with each other for that most sought after golden treasure? I have no idea... but I certainly know I want one of my own. Cheers to that, mates...

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