The return of the native (Pt. 1)

Sunday, October 10, 2004

Ok, my bf's returning from Mexico this Tuesday. I hadn't gotten really excited until this weekend, hehe. I sure miss him a lot. Here's something I wrote to him after he left (over a month ago):

"I've been so busy and there are so many things to do in this magnificent city that I haven't even had time to miss you. The day you left, when I finally came home that night, I didn't even notice how your little room (our room, our little room where we were happy and where will shall be happy again, someday) felt so large and so empty without you to share it with. I didn't notice that night that I didm't have your warmth to shield me from the cool night air (it's suddenly felt so cold since you left), it never even ocurred to me that your body was missing from my side (your body, with which I dream and which I conjure up from my mind in my moments of highest carnal satisfaction, an altar on which I offer my love and desire and passion and the only other thing I really trully worship in a hundred different ways every day, with my eyes which followed it like slaves, with my breath which warmed it, with my touch which calmed and excited it, as it so often did me), and I still insist it was a vague dream in which on that night you left I walked out on to your terrace and into the chilly night air, out into the vast and menacing night sky, making a silent plea for it to guard you in it's large arms and give you safe passage. I told the moon I wouldn't count the days for when you would return home (because if you think you are travelling home, to the land you're from, you're a fool. You're home is with me, in my arms, this is where you're from, you and me, this is were you originate and feel wary for when you'r tired of roaming. I am your're home, as you are mine, and you won't be there until you return to me, for I curse and damn you every moment for leaving my side, because to me you have no business being anyhwre else, even though you're not really mine and I can't hold on to you and I yell it all out at the moon on chilly nights when you leave on a jet plane).

Of course, none of this happened, none of it. I don't miss expecting your daily arrival from work, treating you to food and a welcoming kiss; I don't miss the excitement of preparing a meal for you only to silently beg for you to like it, I don't miss making love and hugging your naked shoulders when were ready to go to sleep. I don't miss any of this at all. I'm fine without you. Please come home."

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