Today I came to terms with the fact that I'm resented. I'm angry at my boyfrind. I had kidn of downplayed it a bit (WHY do I keeo doing that with him?!?!?!), but I finally accepted that I've foudn his behaviour is upsetting me (and he isn't even in this continent at the moment).

He didn't call me for my birthday. True, we had kind fo a fight over the phone the Friday before my B-day, but by Sunday I think he should have gotten over it and at least fucking called me (he had been calling me quite frequently for less important stuff, and even though he wasn't at home that weekend and sent me an e-mail two days earlier after our fight, I GOT PISSED!).

I honestly felt that for previous birthdays (I've known him for 5 years, and he's been my on and off bf for 4.5 of those years) when we weren't even an official couple he had given me warmer and nicer birthday greetings. Now, that we're fucking going out and all, NOTHING! I think it's understandable that I be upset. I actually called HIM the next day to vent, he sarted excusing himself... he had been annoyed with me after our fight and decided that we needed soem cooling time... so calling me ON MY FUCKING BIRTHDAY seemed like a good idea... that's my bf's brilliant reasoning for you.

Anyways, I decided not to get too upset over the matter. But now all the anger is coming back. And it's not just the birthday stuff. It's something else. Something that hurt much more than that. I'm not sure if I'm ready to write about this yet, but I do want to (it's therapeutic) and will do so when I'm ready. This saga has quite some more chapters left, and I haven't exaclty been on my best behaviour either. I'm actually a little worried. Oh boy... Happy Birthday to me.

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