I bitch-slapped the TOEFL

Thursday, December 09, 2004

...or when the English is enuf

Ok, some background info. The TOEFL (Test of English as a Foreign Language) is a standardized English test that many universities around the world use as proof that non-native English speakers who apply to their universities know enough English to take courses and not completely fail (at least not because they don't know English).

Yes, it's true, I confess that in spite of my dazzling language ability I am not a native English speaker. Mi primera lengua es el espaƱol. So.... since I'm going to apply to graduate school next year, I had to take this damn test. Fuck.

The test started at 8:30am (FUCK!) and for some wicked reason I only got one hour's sleep. Double FUCK! I was in almost a zombie like trance when I went into a coffee shop and bout a croissant sandwich and a double shot mocha. "Watch out TOEFL, here I come".

As I was on the bus (No. 43) heading to the financial district of London, I suddenly panicked because I realized the bus was heading the wrong way! It had taken some weird-ass turn! OH NOOOOO! (I was gonna be right on time.... before this unexpected development that is). SO I rush off the bus at the next exit... only to realize that the bus was going the right way and I've gotten off WAY to early... and of course i did this realizing when the bus was no longer there for me to board again. Triple FUCK!

Due to some miracle, another No. 43 suddenly appeared and presto! I was on again. Albeit 10min later... Of course the financial district is CROWDED AS HELL at fucking 8 in the morning, so as you can imagine I almost lost my mind with the traffic (and the test center was not really to far off). The frustration was torturous. Anyways, I finally got off and decided to RUN. Of course the test center was only a block from the bus stop, but there I was, running all around the damn block, having no idea where I was.... and I had a map, btw. Quadruple FUCK!

I finally got to the damn building, and after briefly inquiring at the reception, I made it to the second floor without a second to lose. Unfortunately, the retard at the reception told me to take a right on the second floor... so there I am, seeing the test center through a looked glass door... and I'm knocking on it and nobody seems to listen. And I know harder, and still complete indifference. Right before I knock even HARDER, it suddenly occurs to me that the woman at the reception was indeed retard-looking and that maybe, just maybe, I should check the left side door. To my surprise, of course, this was the entrance to the damn center.... quintuple FUCK!

So, in I go. I do all the check-in procedures and finally I'm at my cubicle ready to start my test. I feel the effects of the damn double shot of caffeine in the nervousness that begins to invade me. AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!! Now, mind you, the test is actually quite easy.... but after having slept a fucking hour and having a quite stressful bus ride and a huge coffee, my concentration was a bit hindered.

So I finished the damn test, not after first forcing myself to think straight for nearly 3 hrs! Shit. And also not before my time ran out on the written essay section and I didn't get to do the very last final last last last proof read... Sextuple FUCK!

To top things off, I put the wrong address for mailing the test scores to me and the damn school I want to apply to didn't show up on the list of schools to which my test scores could be mailed to (and I didn't remember the school's TOEFL code). FUCK, FUCK, FUCK.

All in all, the test was EE-ZEEEEEE. I ended up calling the test center later and gave them the correct code for the damn school, whew. At least the preliminary scores have me WAY over the minimum I need for the school I'm applying to, so HURRA! HURRA!

So? In conclusion.... FUCK ENGLISH!

C y'all laterz....


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