Mellon-collie

Monday, December 13, 2004

My boyfriend's work permit application was accepted (in record time, mind you). That means he'll most likely be able to come back to London and stay here for at least 3 more years. Wow. I called him to tell him the good news, he was quite happy. I've also decided, not too long ago, that I myself will not be returning to London come the New Year.

I'm going back to Mexico on Wednesday, and I'm quite glad. I've announced it here at work and told most of my buds here also. But now a terrible melancholy has invaded me. I'm not exactly sure why. Part of it has to do with the state of my relationship, part with the fact that I'll be back to where I was a year ago, part of it has to do with today's announcement, part of it with the fact that I don't feel like I've really done a good job here at the company (or as good as I would have liked). All these parts make the whole.

You know, I'm a little jealous of my bf. He now pretty much has the next 3 yrs of his life planned, secure, done with. I'm jealous of that feeling, the sense of security and comfort. I haven't felt that in a long time. And I miss it. And of course I know that any sense of security in life is an illusion. Of course I know that your life can be turned upside down in an instant. Of course I know all of this. But still, I'm envious of that illusion and yearn for it.

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