My favorite mistake

Sunday, December 19, 2004

Well, it happened. I did it. I broke up with my bf, with The Guy. Oh boy. It was actually a little less painful than I expected. It was at the same time kind of surreal ("I can't believe this is happening!") and at the same time sobering ("I just don't like what we've turned into").

And he was actually going to brake up with me too (the nerve! haha), albeit for very different reasons. When he insisted on seeing me on the phone, I definitely realized the intention of our meeting. Since he got his work permit in the UK for 3 yrs, he's going back in January. And I'm not. So, as we usually have always done, it was time for him to breakup with me in order to not have a long distance relationship. Sigh. This meant that he would leave the opportunity open for us to get back together again in the future. As we usually did. Little did he know this time it would be different...

He began telling a lot of reflections he had been having since he had, ever so abruptly, left the UK; some family revelations and some observations on our relationship that were probably meant to serve as maybe a sort of points-to-work, maybe for when we inevitably got back together. Anyways, when he sort of lost his thread of reasoning he asked me to please intervene. So I did. And thus began the official breakup.

I told him how the last semester had been hard for myself and for our relationship especially. He had mentioned how we had both been growing as people and how our relationship had grown also, but I pointed out that when I arrived in London it took a nosedive. We both had our brushes with infidelity (for the first time ever), he didn't even call me for my birthday and how he had treated me after he left. I told him that if all that shit had occurred separately, well, I guess that I would have dealt with it and moved on. But taking it in all at once had been too much. Being his bf didn't appeal to me anymore, I had had enough.

The real problem as it turns out is that were incompatible. Of course, we had always had our problems because of this, we each saw the world through different eyes. It had never posed too big a problem before. But as I was explaining my reasons, he confirmed how he still saw things differently from me, and sadly offered absolutely no apologies. I wasn't expecting any, this was the reason I was breaking it off.

Afterwards we talked a lot, about his return to London, about what I'd be doing. It was a nice talk, he's still without a doubt my best friend. I love him very much. And I always will. Now it’s sad for me to remember our good times together or to remember him at all. I feel he forced me to this decision, I didn’t want to break It off. I could have loved him forever, I would have had no problem doing that. But life happened and I realized that maybe he wasn’t THAT much an ideal partner for me… and that I could do better. Granted, you can always do better. But there comes a time when you have to cash in your chips and cut your losses. I simply decided it wasn’t my time yet. Here’s to you, Pooks…

Well maybe nothin' lasts forever
Even when you stay together
I don't need forever after
It's your laughter won't let me go
So I'm holding on this way

Did you know, could you tell
You were the only one
That I ever loved
Now everything's so wrong

Did you know when you go
It's the perfect ending
To the bad day I been used to spending
When you go all I know is
You're my favorite mistake

(Sheryl Crow)


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