Sacred feminine

Thursday, December 23, 2004

Ok, this is one of the oft mentioned themes in this blog, the trouble with accepting one's own sexuality, particularly if that sexuality happens to be non-heterosexual.

On one of the forums I post on, I recently came across someone who referred to a man as "Miss". It was meant to be quite humorous, and it in fact was (at least to me). Anyways, the reaction to this little "joke" was quite heated. Many people regarded the reference as completely disrespectful and quite vulgar even. I was a bit surprised.

I've always had friends (all gay, of course) who have always referred to themselves in the feminine form. "Her", "us girls", "Ms.", "Mrs.", "woman", etc, etc, etc. (In Spanish, gender us much more proliferated into the grammar, so this allows for even more "fun"). . I have to admit that at first I was a little uneasy with my flaming queen buddies. I had always been taught that it was wrong to change the fact that guys were guys and girls were girls, especially turning the masculine to the feminine; this was off limits completely. But when I became better acquainted with my gay pals, well, I realized that they were really great people and that, when you really thought about it, there was really nothing wrong with playing around with gender a bit, it was actually quite fun.

Why do people get so worked up about having fun with gender and gender roles? Why did the guys on the forum freak when the saw that "Miss" post? I think it was fueled by nothing more than Chauvinism. I think that most people are taught (like me) to not associate feminine traits with males, because that's "bad". It's only used for insults and derogatory terms ("sissy", "pansy") and that's about it. Homosexuals are quite Chauvinistic and even use the term "flaming queen" as derogatory. I feel this is a projection of their inability to accept their own sexuality and to embrace the feminine traits that come with it (gimmie a fucking brake, you like DICK!). It's incredibly ironic that some gay people are discriminated inside their own community for being "overly" feminine.

But this attitude actually goes beyond the GLBT community (Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgendered, for you ignorant web surfers). This is something that has been proliferated throughout Western society. Hell, it's even mentioned in the damn "DaVinci Code" book (how feminine traits were once considered sacred, and how now, well, they're most definitely not). With this behavior, being feminine, or anything like a woman, is considered "bad", disrespectful, inferior, vulgar. This is a sad fact, I hope that at least in the GLBT world this will someday cease to exist and we will embrace all kinds of traits in our members, be them masculine or feminine.


  • At December 23, 2004 8:46 PM, Blogger psesito said…

    We agree that gender behavior and sexual orientation are different. Why do you want to mix them?

    "Why do people get so worked up about having fun with gender and gender roles?"

    Why about religion or politics? People have opinions and preferences. Some like to discuss the topics and play with them, but it is not a rule. Is this bad? I don't think so. It is a preference. Not everyone has the same sense of humor than you or I have, and it is wrong to impose yours over the others.

    This is the actual problem: "Because it is good for me, it should be good for you" or "Because it is wrong for me, it should be wrong for you".

    "There was really nothing wrong with playing around with gender a bit, it was actually quite fun." Play if you want, it is ok for me, but if I don't like to play, respect my opinion as I respect yours.

    I don't drink and when I go to parties and people drink, I'm not telling them not to drink, so I don't know why they insist so much that I should drink. If I respect their opinion; they, at least, should do the same with mine.

    I agree that it is a big difference between the option to drink ot to embrace someone. The breakpoint here is that we have preferences for the people who surround us and there is nothing wrong in choosing your friends, each one has its own parameters. Some select variables as inteligence, sense of humor, beauty, money, gender or personality. If someones does not select you for some reason, is that someone who is losing something, but s/he knows it, and it is her/his decision. Life is full of choices.

  • At December 26, 2004 12:15 AM, Blogger DramaKing said…

    Ok, I agree that everyone is entitled to their own opinion and that it is only through the mutual respect of different opinions (not just the right to have an opinion) that we will ever reach real peace in this world. Like with religion and politics.

    But... when speaking of gender roles and the resistance one encounters when deviating from them (in a humorous or serious way), what we are dealing with is ignorance. Plain and simple.

    I understand that people are born with certain preferences, like sexual preferences. There is no wrong or right, you just like something or you don’t. For example: I like guys, I don't like girls; there's nothing particularly WRONG with 'em, I just don't like 'em; simple as that. But when it comes to femininity in the male gender role, there is nothing truly innate about it: people think it's WRONG. I'm sure some people are sexually attracted to effeminate males, some aren't. This has nothing to do with that. I'm talking about the fact that some people don't like the fact that effeminate males EXIST. This implies a judgment. And that’s called discrimination.

    Some preferences are innate; you're born with them (i.e. who you like to fuck). But discrimination, no; you're not born with it, discrimination is something you're TAUGHT. Sexual preference is, in my opinion, something you cannot completely control when you're growing up; not directly at least. But gender roles are something that is entrenched in your mind from a very VERY young age. I’m talking before you can speak (this is documented, how very young children already have an idea of what a man and a woman “should” do). This is also where sexism has it’s roots. Women are not “supposed” to leave the house and get a job; women are “supposed” to raise children, clean, cook and lay down for sex. If a woman steps out of this role, she is doing something “wrong”. Bullshit. And it’s this same bullshit that condemns femininity in men. Fuckit, it’s this same bullshit that condemns homosexual males in general. And I will never respect this attitude.

    Of course people often prefer traditional roles. There are people who prefer the traditional, or rather “Stepford wife”, role of the woman. This is quite valid. As there is an overwhelming majority of people who prefer (and find comfort in) the traditional male role. Everyone has the right to their own personal preferences (like you said), the problem arises when the alternatives are seen as inferior and are used even as pejorative terms.

    I too felt uneasy with femininity in men. I know exactly where this attitude is coming from. But I overcame it, it CAN happen. This is the main reason why I want to condemn this behavior as it is unfounded and destructive. I respect others’ opinions and preferences (as I want them to respect mine), but I cannot respect archaic frames of mind that promote discrimination. This is why I push for change. Maybe I can do it in a more eloquent and proper way; I’ll give you that. But the urgent need for change is there, nonetheless. Think about it. You can surely get away with defending the right of people who don’t like effeminate homosexual men. Try getting away with defending the right to not like black people, or jews, or women. You’ll be eaten alive. The discrimination comes from the same place, it’s the same poison. Why shouldn’t the repudiation of the act be the same? You tell me, friend.


Post a Comment

<< Home