But if baby I'm the bottom, you're the top!

Thursday, January 20, 2005

Ok, this is an interesting topic. Yes, it’s sex. But not just sex. It's sexual politics; which are even MORE interesting than sex.

Between a man and a woman, things are pretty clear (or so we think). The guy kind of traditionally takes the lead and the girl has something done to her. Simple as that (ok, not quite, but for argument's sake, let's leave it at that). This dynamic has always had very serious implications in the way men, in general, view women. This is probably where the "weaker sex" image has it's real root.

What happens when we have two guys going at it? (Zach, you can turn away now, haha). Or, say, two girls doin' what comes naturally? (to them, at least, haha... I bet you're looking now, aren't you Zach? Ha!). The roles are not so clearly defined. In fact, they're not defined at all. Potentially either partner can take "the lead". They can even take turns (hypothetically). This usually means that sexual politics in homosexual relationships are much more volatile than is heterosexual ones. What does this mean?

Well, it means that either one can be considered the "weaker sex" (i.e. the girl). I'll take the case of two guys (guess why? ha!). The one who gets banged (the "bottom") is "the girl", the one who does the banging (the "top") is "the guy". Simple as that (or so we think).

Ok, now let's talk about the implications of these seemingly innocent labels. Being "the guy" is cool. Being "the girl" sucks. I love my eloquence, don't you? hehe.

I grew up in Mexico, a predominantly Roman Catholic country in which the masculine role is very dominant (traditionally) over the female one. I recently spent a few months in the UK, and things were quite different. Here in Mexico most gay guys consider it kind of inferior to be a "bottom" during sex. You're "the girl". And this is bad. Most guys won't admit they're "the girl". This was pretty normal for me. Status quo . Then I went to the UK and I realized that a LOT of the guys were "bottoms". Weird. In Mexico this was not a good thing. In the UK they were pretty much indifferent and just wanted to get banged, haha. This sort of led me to believe that people in the UK and Mexico aren't really that different in their sexual needs. It's just that in the UK being a "bottom" doesn't carry the same stigma that it does in Mexico.

What does this mean? Well, for starters, it takes us back to the Chauvinistic idea that being "Girly" is bad. Which is kind of disrespectful to women. Second of all, people in the UK have more fun than people in Mexico because they're freer of silly ideas that make no sense. These "silly ideas" are our idiosyncrasy. And it kind of sucks. I call for a change in Mexican sexual politics. To arms!!! “Bottoms” everywhere (in Mexico), I absolve you!!!


Anyways, I'll leave you with the lyrics to a song called "You're the top!" by Cole Porter (yes, that really gay guy from "De-Lovely", haha). Enjoy!


  • At January 22, 2005 2:27 AM, Blogger Zachary said…


    I read the whole thing...didn't scare me and amazingly I have a lot of comments!

    The ideal (no matter how wrong it is) that males are strong and women are weak, is nothing new and is nothing sexual. The idea that males are the superior beings dates back to when you were an infant. According to Mike Lew "The training begins at birth, supplied unconsciously by parents and other adults who were themselves raised according to similar standards. Studies have shown that male and female babies are held differently, treated differently, and given differing degrees of attention. Words of appreication and admiration for infants of different sexes are as different as blue and pink baby blankets." (Victims No Longer 2nd Ed., Page 32)

    As far as homosexuality goes, no one knows for sure exactly when it happens. Many say that it is not a choice, some say it is, others say it is learned and others say you are born that way. I tend to believe that it is learned.

    When I say that homosexuality is learned, I don't mean that you are sat down with a paper, pencil and an instructor giving you the rules for being homosexual; no, what I mean is that when a infant is cared for by his/her parents, the world is a new, exciting and interesting place. Information is presented to the child and the child interprets the information and if there is confusion the child will (usually) ask for clarification. However, sometimes a child sees something, interprets it, and it just so happens they interpret it differently than someone else. This interpretation of your surroundings is called learning. What "makes" someone learn to be homosexual? Who knows. Some say that the homosexual brain is actually different when put through certain tests and that is what many people argue with that it is something you are born with. Well...it could be, but my brain probably shows up differently as well. Why? I'm not homosexual, but I was a victim of male-male sexual abuse and studies have also shown that male and female survivors of sexual abuse as children have differently developed brains than those who were not. Our cases are totally different, but it is something to ponder isn't it?

    If you are skeptic of my conclusions, consider this:
    Mike Lew also states in his book: "To someone who has been attacked by a dog, all dogs, no matter how cute and friendly, may be objects of terror. A child who was subjected to beatings for talking during mealtimes may, as an adult, become a morose, uncommunicative dinner companion. He may not realize why dinner table conversation makes him uncomfortable, but it does. The connections were childish connections, perfectly logical in the context of his limited experience, carried unconsciously into adult life. ...we aren't always aware of the lessons we are learning..." (Victims No Longer 2nd Ed. Page 137)

    Don't think that I am being cruel towards homosexuals, I really don't care, all of this is just my opinion, everyone is entitled to one :)

  • At January 22, 2005 2:37 AM, Blogger DramaKing said…

    You know, that is SOOOO true about the baby sexist conditioning. I heard once that children who are a couple of years old can already tell what men and women "should and shouldn't" do. CRAZY!!! Those opinions form before we can even talk. YIKES!

    Personally, I think homosexuality comes from a combination of genetic tendency and the environment (and experiences) a child is brought up in. I don't think it's something you're strictly born with because I have a twin brother (yes, we're genetically carbon copies of each other) and he is not only straight as an arrow, he's quite the Macho Mexican. Hahaha, yes, it's quite funny. Love him to death tho, in spite of this. But it throws the genetic theory out the window. We probably had different experiences while we were growing up and that is obviously why we ended up so different.

    I think it's a very interesting point you make, thanks for the literature quote.


  • At January 22, 2005 3:08 AM, Blogger Zachary said…

    No problem.

    Your comment about the site is also taken well. However, when someone joins as a member (when we finally allow that) there will always be an option to remove yourself from the hall of fame list, you just don't see that option now because the ability to be a member isn't available. It will be in the future.

  • At January 22, 2005 5:19 PM, Blogger DramaKing said…

    Oh! Ok, I get it. Good to know. Thanks Zach. It really is a wonderful site. I'll post it on my blog.



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