Support Pt. 2

Saturday, February 19, 2005

Ok, I've come to a realization. And it took a while. Today I quit my tech support job and was quite ok with it. I've grown wary of the idea of not keeping jobs too long, but this time it was necessary and it didn't hurt too much at all. Sort of.

Anyways, afterwards I went with my mom to the bank to complain about a credit card I had ordered and had not gotten. It turned out the application had been rejected because they had not included a photocopy of my ID. And that had been it. They had kept my rejected application there, gathering dust. I mean it's kind of beneficial for a bank to hand out credit cards, isn't it? Anyways, that's not the part I'm referring to in this post. In order for us to find this all out, we were subjected to a ridiculous display of corporate inefficiency of theatrical proportions. We got a bank executive who spent the whole time blaming someone else for what had happened, who then took about 30 min to make a photocopy and whenever we asked something would sort of invent something and when the answer was judged as stupid, he would just smile as if we had said nothing. FUCK! It was just half an inch from total farce.

After having worked as a Customer Service Rep and having seen this sorry display today, it finally hit me. All Customer Service Reps everywhere, of any kind, don't care about customers. At all. Zip. Nada. Zilch. Nichts. Nothing. Ni madres. And this is a fact of life. They try to evade real work at all costs, they want to do everything in their power to not actually make any physical or mental effort... to help you. Making up reasons why they can't help you is their secret art form. Us technical reps have it easy because we can just throw technical jargon to the average person and they get spooked and hang up. Bank reps don't have this distinct advantage. But it's all the same game.

People who actually want to help other people quickly find that Customer Service jobs are NOT for them. Why? Because their not designed for people who actually give a shit about customers. Example: while you're trying to find out more information to help the customer, your supervisor comes and taps you on the shoulder: "Hey, you've been with the geezer for 45 min already, wrap it up, our time metrics were too high last month...". Shit, dude! What the hell are you running here? A track race? What good is it to have an Average Call Handle Time of 0.3 minutes if all your fucking customers never got anything fixed and are as mad as hell from being tossed from one company's support line to another like a hot potato. It just doesn't make sense. Why setup a support line if you plan to make “support” a second priority? It's incongruent (the first sign of mental illness, by the way... so says my mum, and THAT's incontestable proof).

My absolute last phone call as a Tech Rep was with this very dense Asian guy. He was quite slow and since the call was dragging on I had already missed my quitting time by like 20 min. And it was my last fucking day at the job. The urge to invent some bullshit excuse was ENORMOUS ("Umm, sorry sir... you have a strange bug in your software firewall hardware USB firewire serial wireless network interface device multi-port in your central processing unit's main communication distribution hard core soft core multi-threading multi-tasking bilingual bus... it's actually quite common, we've had plenty of people with that today.... yes, I know I said it's rare, but it's actually quite common... today... sorry, you're going to have to contact the manufacturer, BYE...*click*"). But... I desisted. This poor schmuck had already called 4 times and had not gotten internet access for an entire month. Poor bastard. So there I went, trouble shooting every last detail, and it was painfully slow and frustrating. But I did it, because that was my fucking job, it's what I was being paid to do. If I didn't do this, then my whole time there in that chair and with that headset would have been my own farce. I would have been a fool with a headset in a chair. And it would have meant nothing (In essence everything means nothing, in it's purest form... it's YOU, my friend, who gives everything their meaning... but only if you want to, only if you fucking care... if nobody ever cares about anything, nothing will ever mean anything. Ever. Catch my drift?). Anyhoo... there I was, doing my job. Nothing more, nothing less. As usual, I tried something silly at the absolute last moment, and it worked. After an hour on the phone. Then, out of the kindness of his heart, the Asian guy asked me to stay on the line to help him configure his email in Outlook. What a world...

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