Thursday, March 31, 2005

Finally! Somebody who understands me!!! =D

"Many of my days go like this: (1) get into work (2) check email, read the web, etc. (3) decide that I might as well have lunch before getting to work (4) get back from lunch (5) check email, read the web, etc. (6) finally decide that I've got to get started (7) check email, read the web, etc. (8) decide again that I really have to get started (9) launch the damn editor and (10) write code nonstop until I don't realize that it's already 7:30 pm."

This guy is psychic and read my mind. He's a genious.
Btw, if anybody is gonna comment saying something like "Oh no, I'M not like that at all..." PLEASE, give it a rest and save us the blatant LIES. Ha!

I love this guy, Joel. Too bad he already has a bf. Sheesh... all the good ones are either straight or really really confused...or have a bf. Typical!


Sethe, a former slave, is talking to her daughert, Denver. She is warnig her never to return to Sweet Home, the plantation were Sethe and her husband lived torturous existences and from which they escaped... but only Sethe with her life.

"'...So, Denver, you can't never go there. Never. Because even though it's all over- over and done with- it's going to always be there waiting for you...' Denver picked at her fingernails. 'If it's still there, waiting, that must mean that nothing ever dies.' Sethe looked right in Denver's face. 'Nothing ever does,' she said." (Morrison)

Isn't this great?!?! Damn, I wish I could write shit this good. "Beloved", a trully spellbinding novel, full of ghosts, sorcery, death, love, suffering... all the elements that make for great magical realism. And an American wrote it! Wow! Give Toni Morrison another Nobel Prize, dammit!

Dinner with "family"

I met a cousin from Mexico City yesterday. I hadn't seen her in like 10 years at least, and I almost thought I might not recognize her. Luckily she recognized me. She is just like her mother (who I say last year at a wedding), short and a whirlwind of energy and assertiveness. She has these menacing little eyes that just bolt at you. Somewhat intimidating, actually. But she's nice (at least to me, haha).

We had lunch, and since she's this high profile cook she ordered the really good stuff from the Cuban restaurant chain she oversees all over the country. Yum.

Later that same day we went to dinner at a new ritzy Italian restaurant that had been recommended to her. She ordered some really good wine, some totally unnecessary appetizers and some risotto (which I found out was rice...ha!). I felt like a total culinary ignoramus, but it was an educational experience of the best type, ha. She even chatted up with the restaurant manager and offered some suggestions for the menu! That was so cool, ha-ha.

Anyways, half-way through dinner we start talking about our past relationships; actually, just hers. She talks about her past boyfriends and how this one guy was the love of her life but they broke up and life went on. She then asks me if I've ever experienced that, the "one that got away". I say yes. And then, quite bluntly, she asks "But was it a girl?” This caught me somewhat off guard. True, she had made comments regarding some of her gay friends, I never even considered flat-out telling her I was gay. But her gaydar knew better and her being as frank as her mother, looking back it wasn't that big a surprise.

So I told her that my love had been a guy. And that we had recently broken up. This opened the gates to a whole couple more hours of conversation and revelations. I was surprised more than a few times by her sexual frankness and total honesty about her personal life. Neat. It was a little uncomfortable at times because even though she is family, I didn't really KNOW her that well (and I have trust issues). Anyways, I ended up sharing a lot myself, more out of response to her straightforwardness that out of actual trust. It was quite an interesting evening. Sadly I offered to pick up the check and it was like $100 USD, which is a HUGE amount here in MX, haha.

You know, family ties are quite interesting if bizarre things. Here I am, meeting someone who very well could be considered a stranger, and I bonded with her incredibly because she is my second cousin (telling her things I've never even told my first cousins). Family... does anyone ever realize the absurdity that lies beneath the surface?

Life, life, everywhere...

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

I live in the jungle. And I mean this literally.

Next to my apartment building is this empty lot that looks like a wildlife refuge. Green, green, green. Every morning, I see the clouds touch the nearby mountain tops. It's quite pretty.

But... all this life everywhere has it's downside. First of all, lots of life means lots of bugs. I HATE bugs. They make me squirm. I won't even get started on flying bugs, they just bring me to the point of convulsion. Hate them, hate them, hate them. Sadly, this place has a LOT of bugs. Luckily, my apartment only has lots of ants, and thankfully I can take ants. It also doesn't have cockroaches, which is good. Actually, there are few cockroaches here... in their place are small little geckos. They're these small little lizard-like things. I have yet to determine which are more disgusting. At least geckos seem dry.

The downside of so much life? So much life.

A view that reflects the few...

Monday, March 28, 2005

TJandANGELA said:

Hey dramaKing... regarding your post on my blog...

I agree that if a P.O.A. is not assigned than the next of kin (a.k.a. a spouse then parents) should be allowed to give instructions written in a LIVING WILL...

If there is no living will I believe that there should be a court hearing on behalf of the disabled person.

If there is found to be sufficient evidence that the person would want to be disconnected from life-sustaining services than that request should be honored... but if there is reasonable doubt that the disabled person's wishes are undecided or more on the side of life - than as President Bush said "It is better to er on the side of life"

Here is the reasonable doubt as it relates to Terri:

1. When she was admitted into the hospital there is sworn testimony from doctors that she had strangulation injuries along with what appears to be a heart-related colapse which prevented oxygen from reaching her brain... AND

2. There is sworn testimony from one of her closest friends that her & Michael had fought over how much she had spent at the hair salon the night before she colapsed...

3. She DID NOT have a living will

4. Her friends say that she made references to wanting brain-damamged people to have the right to live when a similar case was happening in 1976.

5. Michael stands on the fact that Terri commented on "Life-Support" regarding their grandmother who had an actual life-sustaining system hooked up to her.

6. Michael stands to inherit even more money after Terri passes.

7. Terri's parents have offered to take care of her - Michael wont have it.

8. Someone offered to pay Michael 10,000,000 to leave her alone - He still would not accept.

9. If he truly loved her he would not have started a new family with another woman - remember that line "In sickness and in health"?

10. Michael denied Terri any rehabilitation & pocketed most of the 1.4 million he was awarded for HER CARE. I wonder why Michael who loves his wife SO MUCH would deny her the possibility of rehabilitation... hmmmmm.

11. Terri is NOT on life support - all she needs is to be fed a little differently ... walk into any hospital and ask them to show you a patient on life support... I will guarantee that you will see a lot more attached to the person than a feeding tube.

Plus who are we to say that sitting in a bed & making noises is not a good life? She gets to spend countless hours with people who love & serve her - plus I am sure her mind is not on what is going on outside her hospice room.

This reminds me so much of the abortion advocates argument -

"I know that baby would not want to be brought up in that poor & broken family - let it die... it will be happier that way"

We are NOT God & if you reflect on your life you will see that suffering creates endurance & character... and if we start trying to judge what suffering is allowed in peoples lives compared to our own standards... than we are missing the bigger picture of why the suffering was created in the first place.

dramaKing responds:

Hi TJandANGELA, thanks for responding to my post. A little debate is always healthy. Just for the record, like 5 seconds AFTER I posted on your blog, I read the plight of your grandfather and felt like a total ass (not for my ideas, but for the way I expressed them... for sounding bit cold, I'm sorry).

OK, on to Terri. I totally agree with the first part of your comment, about how things should be dealt with in an ideal situation. Not much to say here.

I think that in principle "It is better to err on the side of life"... but you just cannot apply this to every situation. How do you know the person is not in anguish? Being alive is not necessarily always better than not being alive.

Ok, about the reasonable doubt. I think that much of the information you presented in your comment came from the internet (which is NOT always the best place to get your facts). I'm not explicitly calling all of those sworn statements lies, I'm just saying that when you read a web site called "Save Terri Shiavo", you can't expect to get completely objective facts (I've probably been fed info by the left-wing media, for all I know). As we've |seen on the news, people are very capable of doing irrational things for this woman (like death threats and such). Lying doesn't seem too far fetched. But again, I cannot say with any certainty that these people are lying... or that they're telling the truth, for that matter. And I think you cannot be certain either. Therefore, I feel these arguments are not valid.

This goes for her being mistreated by her husband, her husband getting rich on her death, his being offered tons of money, him denying her rehab, his reasons for re-marrying, ... I see you've read many negatives things about him. I've read many positive things. We can argue about his character for ages. The point is that neither of us knows him and therefore we cannot pass any fair judgment on him.

I understand she is not on life support. But this is still artificially prolonging her life. And about "who are we to say that sitting in a bed & making noises is not a good life?"... well, I don't know, this is just subjective, but being stuck inside your body without being able to communicate seems like the real agonizing torture here (supposing that's the case, which it most likely is not). "I am sure her mind is not on what is going on outside her hospice room"... after 15 years, I think that she's pretty much sick of that room to the point of clinical insanity... but then again, that's just my opinion.

Another thing that is irrational is that everybody acts as if a perfectly normal human being was being put to a torturously slow and agonizing death. I really do not think this is the case. This woman has not been aware of her surroundings for years. She cannot feel like we do. This is not a good argument, and it only prays on falsely placed compassion.

I'll level with you, if I were her husband, I'd just let her parents take care of her. It would have saved me a lot of pain and money. Still, he has fought them every step of the way for at least 8 years. This could be attributed to two things: 1) He wants her dead because he has a new family and, supposedly, has lots of money to earn (that will probably go to legal and medical bills)... 2) Seeing the woman he fell in love with in such a pathetic state hurts him too much. Which is true? I don't think we'll ever completely know. And, in all honesty, we shouldn't. God is the one who passes final judgment on people, not us.

"We are NOT God... and if we start trying to judge what suffering is allowed in peoples lives compared to our own standards... than we are missing the bigger picture of why the suffering was created in the first place."

You know, this is a good point. We're not God and it's not always fair to impose our own judgments about pain and suffering on other people. That's why her family must make this decision; they knew her best. What happens when a family doesn't agree? You go to court. What happens when you don't agree with the court's ruling? This is a toughie. I'm not sure what you should do. I just know you shouldn't let a bunch of political grandstanders take advantage of your child for their own private gain.

Oh, and for the record, my veiw is not necessarily the few. Most Americans believe her husband and think Terri should be let go, peacefully.

Where did I get this info? Here, on ABC News. Is it obejctive? Well, I think so. But again, "so say I".

Hunter Pt. 1

Saturday, March 26, 2005

Well, my friend from college came over and we discovered the "alternative" nightlife here in town. He brought along another guy (his ex-bf, btw) and we hit the town every single night they were here (that was from Sunday to Thursday... yikes). I won't even talk about having to get up everyday for work...

It turns out that my bud's ex was quite the flirt. I mean this guy was a real pro. In all honesty he wasn't much of a looker (and didn’t have a very nice body, at all) but he was extremely charismatic and hooked up every single night, sometimes with multiple guys (and my bud told me he even hooked up during the day, too). Wow... this guy was my idol. Long live sexual promiscuity...

Anyways, me and my bud were pretty much left to fend for ourselves. Upon seeing my friend's reaction the being abandoned by his ex, I figured it would be really shitty of me to try and hook up and leave him alone. So I decided to "tone it down" and help him hook up first... or so I told myself. To my dismay I found out my "hooking up" skills had greatly diminished... I mean I was shy, scared, insecure, hesitant... very bad, very bad. My hunting skills were in utter atrophy. It was shocking. I was like a cougar without claws. A truly pitiful creature.

Luckily, as time went by and we kept going out each night, some of my skills returned (and so did my nerve). Unfortunately, my bud got smitten with some guy he met on the beach and we kept on his trail for the rest of the week. To not much avail. Thankfully, I've at least regained some of the old confidence and skill. Will I put it to good use? Time will tell...

Germy "wants to be a hunter again" (Dido)...

Terri Shiavo

Ok, it was inevitable. Here is my take on this...

This girl died a long time ago. Just let her fade away like nature intended and stop force-feeding her (there are laws against this in the US). It's been 15 years. Let her go.

Ok, now comes the irony. This is NONE OF MY BUSINESS. My opinion, or anybody else's, does NOT matter here. This is a decision that SOLELY belongs to her family. Specifically, her husband. A spouse is your partner for life, and they replace your immediate family in importance. Deal with it. Yes, he is living with another woman... hey life does indeed go on. The thing people forget is that he made this decision A LONG TIME AGO. Not yesterday. He's been in this battle for 8 years, to help end the life that seems cruel and unnecessary for his wife.

Why are so many people praying and trying to bring her water and making fruitless legal appeals? Because people are SELFISH. Of course we don't want our loved ones to die. We'd do anything to keep them with us, even if it means having them hooked up to a machine and behaving like a vegetable. This is selfish human nature. It's actually braver to bite the bullet and say goodbye.

Yes, "starving to death" is awfully nasty. So is dehydration. Terri is going through both of these. But, news flash... SHE DOESN'T KNOW IT OR FEEL IT. A plant doesn't feel it, it just dies. So will she. Like I said, as a human being she died long ago.

And now for the politicians. Disgusting. Passing special laws to help this woman. What are they doing?!?!?! A special session for Congress and having the President fly in to sign their bill. All you need is an elephant to complete the circus... oh wait, there already is one on the Republican logo. It's a circus, then. Aren't there more pressing problems that could actually benefit more from special congressional sessions? Not enough publicity? Oh, it figures...Frank Rich blasts these clowns in a spectacular way. Shame on them for trying to take advantage of one family's personal pain for their own gain. Shame on Jeb Bush (for trying to win points for his presidential campaign; he tried passing a law in 2003 to “help” Terri, only to have it destroyed by the Florida Supreme Court… if she dies, he’ll get burned… which he deserves for butting his nose into this issue). Shame on W (for helping Jeb out… in fact, shame on him for everything he says and does…. except maybe for helping recognize Palestine). Shame on Congress (for trying to undermine the power invested in every State in a federal union… this is an outrage to anyone who truly believes in the American political system). Shame on the right-wing media (for being assholes). Shame, shame, shame...


Fifty years ago this month, a small novel was published in Mexico by an almost unknown author. It was called "Pedro Páramo" and the author was Juan Rulfo. To make a long and successful story short, this work eventually came to be regarded as not only one of the treasures of Mexican or Latin American literature, but as one of the better novels of XX Century writing.

I discovered this amazing work in high school. My wonderful final year literature teacher challenged us to take it in and understand it. I was spellbound. I had no idea reading could be so exciting; I would never have expected literature to be so profoundly moving and magical. In a way, this book changed my life. I even mentioned it in my final exam essay, and got a perfect score (yeah, I think I'm very smart, DEAL WITH IT! Ha!).

This relatively short novel projects the feelings of an entire generation of Mexicans in such an eloquent and simple way that it becomes universal. Like any masterpiece, its interpretations are many; they range from the biblical to the supernatural. Pain, sadness, cruelty, love, hate, shame, regret, memory, time, life, existence, identity, death... it deals with it all, and then some. The symbolism used alone is enough for a text book; nothing is really all it seems at first. This novel is one of the fundamental examples of what later became full-fledged magical realism.

Juan Preciado returns home to look for his father, a man called Pedro Páramo. It turns out PP was the quasi feudal leader of a small town. He was described as "a living rage" and we slowly find out that the effects of his actions, long ago past, can still be heard in what is now an abandoned ghost town.

This novel is brilliant not only in the subject matter, but also in its intricate structure. It uses many time frames and seems almost chaotic as it switches from one to another. It's a dizzying journey, and that's putting it mildly. Towards the end all the pieces begin to make vague and surprising sense, and the work's true brilliance shines through.

In case you haven't realized it by now, I LOVE this book. If you want a literary adventure, this is definitely one to try out.


Friday, March 25, 2005

Why don't I like other people touching my things?

Becasue they're MINE!... this goes for CD's, books, movies, people, etc...GO IT? Good... 'nuff said.

Bora vs. Jetta

Here in town there is a VW dealership near where I work. The other day I had the misfortune of passing by and catching a glimpse of the replacement model for my beloved Jetta (no, I've never owned or even driven one... but they're just soooo cool, haha).

It's called the Bora. Let's just say I was underwhelmed (which is a mild understatement). This looked like a stretched Jetta with an ugly front grill. Nasty. How could they replace the beautiful Jetta with this piece of crap? Ok, ok... in al fairness it's not really a piece of crap, it just suffers from comparison. Like "Sense and Sensibility" next to the far superior "Persuasion"... anybody see this flick? I think it's like the best movie EVER...

Anyways, hopefully now the few Jetta's that are left will be a lot cheaper, haha. ;-)

Conversation over tacos

Thursday, March 24, 2005

- Your roommate doesn't know?
+ Nope
- So the boss doesn't know either?
+ Nope.
- Hope he doesn't find out; that would be ugly, don't you think?
+ I wouldn't want to see his reaction.
- Well, I think I'll go ahead and tell your boss what you were doing tonight and where you were doing it. What do you think about that?
+ I'd love to see you try.
- Oh, don't worry, I most definitely will. And you can't stop it.
+ Oh, I honestly don't plan to.
- Well, good, it would have been useless.
+ You know, I think we're having a communication problem; since you studied human communication, it surprises me that you didn't notice this. But then again, it's just proof of your mediocre talents. Anyways, there is a communication problem between us... you're under the, erroneous, impression that I actually care about what you think and that you have any influence in this company. And all that just simply isn't true; got it, honey?
- Oh, feisty are we? Listen, I've been here a lot longer than you and...
+ Yes, but you very well understand were we both stand right now. You know, I think you should go ahead and tell him, it would be a very "educational" experience for you.
- What?
+ Yes, because if you told him he'd inevitably question how it was you found out.
- I'm very creative, I'd think of something quite good.
+ I don't doubt that. But I'd also use my own talents to create "reasonable doubt" and that would be enough, you'd be burned. And it would be "educational" because I think you would find out, in a very quick way, just how replaceable you are and how meaningless your work is... even more so compared to mine.
- You asshole.
+ Actually, I think you already know this. And that's precisely why you're not going to tell anybody anything.
- I'd do it just to fuck you.
+ You know, actually, I don't doubt you'd be stupid enough to do that. So a warning: any foolish little actions on your part will have severe consequences with extremely long lasting effects. Have a nice evening, darling. Loved the tacos.


Well, I went. It was my third time (third time's the charm?). It's always fun because you get a free flight, free hotel and free food, haha. It would be great if it weren't because of all the nerves and stuff. First time it was successful, second time not so much. How will third time be? Who knows... I felt ok, but you never really can be sure. Am I as sure as I used to be that this is what I want? Not really. Will I take it if the opportunity comes up? Sure, I mean I just could not say no (even if right now I feel comfortable).

It was wonderful seeing my brother. Even if his girlfriend was visiting and we were competing (as usual) for his attention. I guess I don't really dislike her... I just don't think she's good enough for him... ha! That's original!

When we said good bye at the airport, I became very sad as usual. I actually walked to a corner and broke down. I had a lot of stuff on my mind and I guess I just needed to let some of it out. Uncertainty has become an ill-received feeling for me now. I think afar this I'll be much more sure of what I'll be doing for the next couple of years and I will feel much better, regardless of the outcome.


Monday, March 21, 2005

I remember when the gay-marriage spree began about a year ago. In Frisco people were a-gettin' hitched! It was amazing, revolutionary, incredible! Of course it didn't last... but nothing wonderful ever really does.

My ex mentioned it to me. "Isn't it amazing? It's finally happening!". I remember telling him "Oh, please. There will probably be a huge conservative backlash, just you wait". Truthfully, I had NO idea just how HUGE the backlash would actually be... I was just being a completely negative asshole (as was the usual dynamic between me and my ex, but let's not go there, too many issues still pending). Anyways, it turned out to be true, the backlash. And it stung like few things ever have.

Recently, in California, an obviously "renegade" judge ruled that you can't amend the state constitution to discriminate people (i.e. ban gay marriage). Wow, I wonder how long it will last this time. Is it just plain cruel to wave equal rights in front of people and then take them away? Doesn't that just demoralize everyone involved?

Well, all I know is that we can't stop. We cannot let setbacks stop us from doing what we know is right. I do believe we have come a very long way, and I thank God for letting me be alive in such an exciting moment in time.

Rhetorical questions (sort of)

(Written during a sort of bizarre "jealous rage"/anxiety attack):

Why are we (and the heart) SOOOOOO slow to learn?

Why do we like particular people and not others who may seem more worthy of our affection?

Why don't we just become honest with our feelings and let the pieces fall where they may? Hell, they might even fall to places more stable and content. Or not...

Why does pride (and occasionally prejudice) always get in the way? Isn't this foolish beyond words? Aren't we supposed to be smarter than this?

Is there anything more glorious than suffering for love? (Btw, are some of us just plain addicted to hurting?).

Why aren't we just sincere with each other instead of lashing out ever so cruelly and then pretending it doesn't sting (when we clearly know it does, and heavily)?

What if I were to give up everything for you? What if you let me down? How would I ever recover?

Why is love so easy to give... and yet so hard to receive? (Sondheim)

Got any answers? Honestly, I'd LOVE to hear them.

It's a Long Tail after all...

The rise of mediocrity. It's everywhere. Especially in art. For what other reason could Robbie Williams, Hillary Duff, Ashlee Simpson, Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan be successful recording artists? Or "artists" at all? And don't even get me started on movies. They're ALL crap. It's bad enough when a movie looks promising and just sucks... but when it was aiming for mediocrity all along, it's just ugly. And it's the same in most mass media.

My boss passed me this article about a phenomenon that was dubbed The Long Tail. It helps explain the success of and Netflix.

It's based on the idea that mass media has created a "hit" culture that aims for the largest possible markets in a geographical area. For example, documentaries hardly ever get released in most cities because there are too few people in each city to warrant the cost of showing it. But if you make these documentaries available on the internet (via Netflix, for example), you can find a much bigger market because documentary fans from ALL OVER the USA have access to them. Thanks to the internet, niche markets can now be grouped up and they can make less "commercial" fare, commercial. In the future, maybe sales from a whole bunch of little individual markets will make up the profits instead of just the sales from a few (usually mediocre) hits.

Yes, the article is like 5 pages long. But it's quite an enlightening read. Revolutionary, almost (well, at least in the "web" sense of the word, haha). And like most well written and well thought-out ideas, it seems perfectly obvious AFTER you've read it, ha! By using the internet, we'll now be able to find artistic expression that we REALLY like, and we will not have to conform to mediocrity (i.e. waiting for a song to "grow on us" or praising a movie just because it "at least tried to be" original). Maybe now we'll all have a voice and we'll destroy the steady tide of mediocrity. Maybe our individual opinions will finally make a difference... like the internet originally promised us. I for one, intend to hold it to its promise.


You know, I just realized something.

A couple of years ago I was involved in the organization of a university symposium. I was head of the speakers committee, so I had to decide which topics to cover, hunt down potential speakers and convince them to come. And since the guy in charge of getting sponsors turned out to be a total loser, I had to do it with like zero cash.

Ok, enough self aggrandizing. The thing is I got the speakers on time and on (zero) budget. The event was a financial success (if only a modest one) and we all lived happily ever after. Ok, now for real, enough self aggrandizing, hehe. The event was aimed at Electrical Engineering (my major at school) and the whole point was to make it interesting for people in that area. What I realize now is that I myself was not one of those people.

Let me explain. In order for you to provide good content for this type of event (or for anything, really) you have to understand who you're making it for and give them what they want. The problem with this event was that I NEVER really cared about what people really wanted. I don't mean I never gave it any thought... of course we had discussions about what to include in the event and what not. But, still, honestly... I never really cared at all about the attendants. Yikes. It's almost scary to think about now.

I like doing things that are seen as original and that in some way impact other people. This event I helped organize was not terribly original and, in hindsight, probably didn't really help anybody out of any real predicaments... or maybe not too many. This is an achievement I've been very proud of for a long time; it taught me I really could do anything I wanted; it taught me I was indeed an organized person and a decent leader; I learned a great many things about negotiation and peacekeeping, and internal politics, and a lot of other stuff.

I recently encountered a colleague who is now organizing a similar event. I see his passion for the subject matter and his drive, and it only reminds me of my lack thereof. I look back on my own experience now and feel I could have done a much better job if I had actually enjoyed the subject matter. Or at least put some more effort into empathizing with my target audience and giving them something that would have genuinely blown their socks off.

Socks off is good, I like that.


"Religious debate": People expressing strongly held personal beliefs about things that can't be proven. ALSO, the name given to a heated disucussion that normally leads nowhere and ends without anybody changing their point of view.

-Steve Krug

To flare or not to flare?

Monday, March 14, 2005

I LOVE flared jeans (i.e. bell-bottom like jeans, just not so exaggerated). They're just sooooo cool. They have a neat retro-comfortable-easy-going feel to them, and look great. Sadly, the options available for guys are quite limited.

Something many fashion conscious guys (i.e. gay guys and "metrosexuals"...sheesh) have resorted to buying women's jeans to quench their thirst for the flare. WOMEN's jeans?!?!?! Yikes, isn't this like drag? I guess it is... in a way. Even though it completely misses the whole point of drag which is to look like a woman. I think men's and women’s jeans have become more and more alike (ok, maybe only in the flared category, but still...).

I was once at Old Navy and I asked for some flared jeans. I was told that the boot-fit jeans had a slight flare (so the boot could fit, duh), but that I should definitely try the women's section. The girl told me that plenty of her STRAIGHT male pals did it. I have to admit I was surprised and embarrassed by the mere notion of going to the women's section to buy clothes.

My utter disgust with having to buy women's clothes surprised me. I've always been quite against discriminating the genders. Still, I'm working against nearly two decades of conditioning.

Why the hell wouldn't I buy women's jeans? I mean as long as they fit me well and look like I want them to look. (YIKES! What am I saying?!?!?!?).... ok, ok... I think I need to think about this a little more...

...and I thought I was so liberal and free... what a crock.

The talented Mr. Ewing

Sunday, March 13, 2005

It was without a doubt love at first sight. I got off the plane and there he was. And he was waiting for me. Unreal.

Ok, I mean he wasn't like devastatingly handsome. But his tall, slim, well-built frame was just what I found attractive. His cool t-shirt (which highlighted his toned arms) and bell-bottom jeans were fantastic. He had a very friendly face and a warm smile... and he even talked about living in NYC and having taken a year off from school to do community service up in a rural mountain community!... it was love.

Every time I came upon him here at work, I sighed. Cheesy? Of course! Love? Of course! He was just wonderful. A little bit shy, a little bit quiet. He looked so handsome in his shirt and pants. An angel. Love.

When we went on the local Art Walk and he was absent I asked why. He had gone to the movies with a girl, I was told. A girl? No way. It was obviously a friend. Maybe a cousin. Or his sister. You never really know. You can't judge people so quickly. After all, this was love.

Me and my roomie went over to his apartment to make plans to go out. He was in shorts and a T-shirt, very rugged and beach-bummy. Too cute. We talked a while. About our backgrounds and such. "Wait? What did he say? He didn’t study Engineering¡?!?!?!" Ok, ok... not a plus, but he definitely deserved another chance. It's so unfair to discriminate people just because of what they chose to study. Even if their major was kind of lame. Love conquers all.

Him and his extremely gay roomie invited us over to play video games. I was all like "Huh? He likes to play video games all day? Wha????" And it was sadly true. He was glued to the damn screen like an 8 yr old. Geez.

I suppose the last straw came when we all actually went out and we stopped by to pick up his date. A girl. Fuck. Thankfully, by then I was quite disenchanted with him, so it didn't even hurt that much. Sort of. Still, he was mine. But in the end, I was more like "You can keep him, sista'".

It was quite a wonderful feeling, tho; love. Even if it only lasted a week. Here's to those who inspire this feeling in all of us. And here's to you, Mr. Ewing.

"Oh, but it's sad when a love affair dies" (Rice).


I've not had a decent taste of this town's nightlife yet. On my first weekend here I went out with some colleagues from work. It was ok, it was to a straight club (the editor of the magazine where I work got us all in for free... cool). The music was neat, but we never really got to dancing or anything.

Last week we went to this place that had some badass martini's, and they were 2x1! Ha! I've notably cut down on my alcohol consumption (yeah, I finally weighed in that it's brought me more negative things than positive ones), but it was still fun. The place, which was recommended by one of my work colleagues, was extremely GAY, btw, hahaha.

Next week a friend from college will come over. This should be fun.

Another email

My ex-bf wrote me again today. It's always wonderful to hear from him. I just wish he had written me this often BEFORE we broke up. Anyways, bitterness aside, it's always a joy.

He told me he was still getting over our breakup. So am I. It hurts somewhat still, every day. I do sometimes have trouble believeing it reallly happened (all of it). It seems so far away now. But it did, and here we are. Not a dat goes by when I don't think of him. He still haunts my fantasies and daydreams (and night dreams). But I'm healing. And that's a good thing.

He wrote me to wish me luck this week. Thanks, Pooky. I guess now it's my turn to find whatever it is I'm looking for.


I heard they're making a movie version of "Sweeney Todd, The Demon Barber of Fleet Street", a musical by Stephen Sondheim. WOW! Cool! And it's going to be direcetd by Sam Mendes ("American Beauty", London/NYC revival of "Cabaret")!!! COOL! This is one of my all-time favorite musicals. It's dark theme aside, it's a materpiece of lyrical complexity, original melody and good storytelling. Fabulous!

Sadly, Russell Crowe has supposedly been cast as Sweeney... oh well. Imelda Staunton has been supposedly cast as Mrs. Lovett, which is cool... wonder if she sings... wonder is HE sings... oh well...

Me speak-a di Inglish

Friday, March 11, 2005

My mom told me on the phone that I received my TOEFL (Test of English as a Foreign Language) score... FINALLY! I got a 300. Out fo 300. Cool. Take that, TOEFL.

Too bad the whole idea of doing a Masters degree (at this point in my life/career) is no longer that appealing. Oh well...


Family: nest of scorpions.

-Octavio Paz.

The sea outside

Monday, March 07, 2005

Today I went to the beach. I went yesterday but it was cloudy. Today it was wonderfully sunny. =D

Wow, this is a really pretty place. Also, the shirtless spring-breakers weren't too bad to look at either, hehe.

Why is the sea such an irresistibly attractive entity? Is it because we all come from there originally? I dunno, but it's just magnetic. And dangerous, but maybe that just adds to it's allure. It's constantly returning tide becons; it's gargantuan force impresses and intimidates; it's smooth sounds sooths; it's life, in liquid form. Water. Salty water.

Our human sweat is salty, you know... and the ocean is probably the reason why (Björk).

Saturdays are sacred too

Sunday, March 06, 2005

Ok, this is a downside of my new job: I have to work Saturdays. Shit.

Granted, I only work until 2pm. But still... it's SATURDAY, MAN! This totally cuts off any late-night outings on Friday night. Well, sort of... but being all tired and/or hung-over at work doesn't sound too appealing. Oh well.

My boss has this idea of having us work on "pet projects" durign this time, out of love for the company. Well, the idea isn't too bad (I hear Google pionnered this apprecha), it's STILL SATURDAY, MAN!!!!

Oh well... I 'll get over it. Someday.


Saturday, March 05, 2005

Ok, let me talk about my new job. I'm working for a touristy web site. It's part travel agency, part information provider. They concept isn't very revolutionary, but the operations manager (my direct boss) has some pretty neat ideas about where he wants the site to go. So this seems fun.

I've been doing stuff I never got to do before. I setup some database and web servers, I'm planning system architecture, making site-wide UI and functionality decisions... it's neat, if a bit stressful. The challenge is what drives me.

Actually, this is the first time I've been employed (legally) by a small company. There are only about 50 employees total here. I've usually been associated with multi-national conglomerates. It's not necessarily been by choice, more by fortune. But that's how it's been. It felt a little weird taking this job for that matter (my parents were sure a little wary... and communicated that feeling often, sheesh). They pitched in for my flight and a month's rent, which was sweet. The advantage of a small place like this is that anything you do has a very good chance of affecting the company as a whole. This is also a downside. Yikes. Wish me luck, I hope I don't break anything.

Where will this road take me? Do I want to go there? What about the detours I see ahead? I'll talk about those later.


If there's one thing I HATE it's selfish people. I myslef am quite selfish, so maybe this stems from self-esteem issues. Anyways, I really do HATE it when you're on a bus and you want to sit down but even though there is only one person on the two-person seat, they are sitting on the place that is not next to the window... so they are BLOCKING your acess to the window-seat... SO YOU WON'T SIT DOWN NEXT TO THEM! ASSHOLES!

Ok, ok... maybe they have their reasons. But it's just SOOOO anoying. If you weren't sitting there originally because someone else was there, and then this person got off and left the window-seat empty, SCOOT OVER! I mean it's common courtesy. Sheesh. If you want to ride alone, pay for a fucking taxi!

Ok, rant is now over. Thanx.


Right before I left TJ, I came out to a long-time friend of mine. I've known here since high school (over 8 years), she's a very bright girl and I think the world of her. Technically a former flame, but c'mon... haha. Why hadn't I told her before? I dunno. It was just one of those things... like one of those bells... that now and the rings...

Anyways, I told her. It was quite funny. I finally talked to her about my multi-year on-again off-again relationship that had recently ended. She asked me "Really? What's her name?". And I told her HIS name. She was a tad surprised, hehe. Anyways, to make a long story short she had a confession of her own. WOW, that's the first time I ever get a confession back. Cool.

I also wanted to tell another long-time female friend. We even got together for coffee and such. But it just didn't happen. I backed down. It was the weirdest feeling. I sure wanted to tell her... but I just never bit the bullet. At first I felt all crappy and cowardly. Then, after some thought, I realized that I didn't really want to tell her. Damn. For all the things we've been through and all we've talked about, I realized I just didn't trust her enough. Fuck. In a better world you wouldn't have to be afraid and talking about yourself wouldn't be considered a confession.


My ex-bf emailed me today. Shit. He told me he loved me. Shit. Of course I love him too. Now what? What do you do when love just ain't enuf?


My, my... nearly two weeks. Sorry. Lotsa shit going on. Here is some of it.

Well, I arrived in sunny and hot Puerto Vallarta on a cloudy day. My boss and his girlfriend picked me up at the airport together with my new roommate (a recent grad and also a new employee) and a coworker. I have to admit that I was touched by the informal welcoming committee, hehe. We went for some fish tacos and then took a small tour of the town.

Ok, this is when it hit me. I'M GONNA LIVE ON THE BEACH!!! COOOL! HAHAHAHA.

Ok, then after THAT hit me, it hit me: this is a little fishing village disguised as a major tourist destination. Granted, the tourist districts are REALLY nice, very well kept and "perty", the downtown is quite cute (called the "Zona Romantica", guess why...); but it's the rest of the place that's kinda shitty. This is a little fishing village of 250,000 people. It's not a village anymore... but not yet a city either.

Anyways.... today I went to the beach for the first time (YES, in two weeks...). It was cloudy, after a week of mostly sunshine. Sheesh...