Advice

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

A friend is currently wooing/being wood by a new romantic prospect. He is a little distressed about how he should act, what he should/shouldn't do. This seems to be a really special guy he¿s talking about, so he doesn't want to screw things up. This got me thinking about the early dynamics of a relationship.

True, it's been a while since I've been in this situation, but I could nonetheless relate very well to this anxiety.

It's true, this is a game. The rules are clear (sort of), and we're all in a moment in our lives where we begin to realize that we could very well be playing for keeps.

Here are some Germy-principles for nabbing you're guy:

1.Reciprocity. It’s only fair. What I mean here is that one usually expects certain behavior and traits in one’s mate. You at least know what you’re NOT looking for. SO, one should take a good hard look and see if one holds any of these “deal breaker” characteristics. You should at least be able to offer as much as you ask for.

2.DON'T be yourself. This is a myth I want to dispel. It is NOT always a good idea to be yourself, at least not upfront. I don't mean to lie, that would be dishonest and that's not a good way to start a relationship. Of course you should try to act as you normally do, you don't want to give an erroneous impression of yourself and you will inevitably get tired of pulling off any false charade. Still... what I mean by not completely being yourself is that you should try to avoid any really annoying habits you have that you KNOW irritate other people (where it is reasonably possible). You want to save those for when he's already formally hooked. ;-)

2.a If your other half is hooked on you in any way, he'll most probably not even notice any faults of yours, so you're home free anyways (for the time being)... so relax.

3.Be constant. If you're gonna put out, put out. If not, don't even go down that road. Consistency is the key here, not really moral stance.

I recommend being reserved at the beginning, no matter how slutty you are. This will always guarantee you have their respect... at least in the beginning.

4.Remember economics. Specifically, the law of supply and demand. If you seem too eager, you most likely will not spark much interest. This seems unfair, but it's just simple human nature. We're all assholes in this sense. When something seems too easy to get, we loose interest quickly. This most likely will be REALLY hard to do at first, but trust me, a little suffering at the beginning will pay off big time in the long run.

5.Relax. I know this is an annoying little bit of advice, but let's be honest: you're nervous, he's nervous; both of you are probably gonna eventually screw up in one way or another. The point is to not get discouraged easily and to persevere, hang in there.

6.Forget the past. Ok, this means DO NOT mention any past bf's. This is NEVER a good idea. If the topic comes up, RUN! Hahaha. ok, ok, no, no. If it does come up in conversation, do your best to talk somewhat quaintly about your ex's, be polite; avoid bad-mouthing them or seeming too interested in the topic. Just let it slide...If you have a LOT opf ex's, try to go into as little detail possible.

7.Forget the future. Don’t talk to formally about the future, either. This could creep out anybody. Even if you are looking for the father of your children (like me), DON'T BRING this up (at least not in this stage). You don't want to scare anybody off too early. At least give them a chance to get to know you before deciding what to name your kids.

8.Open your eyes. Even though it may be hard, keep your eyes and ears open for any warning signs that Mr. Right might be Mr. Right-Out-the-Door.

9.Take a chance. Ok, another annoyingly difficult piece of advice. But this is also a fact of life. Bet big, win big (yeah, yeah, it's a two way street: bet big, loose big). Just think about it this way, it's probably better to remember having screwed up than having wondered what would have happened.

Of course there are rules to human interaction, it's a fact. But still, don't forget that the real relationship will begin when the initial infatuation has ended and you see the other person for who he really is. And vice versa. That's when you'll be able to make a more complete and objective evaluation and you'll also have the chance to breakaway from all these silly rules and create something that's truly yours.

And that's really beautiful.

7 Comments:

  • At April 06, 2005 9:25 AM, Blogger SJES said…

    Where's number 7?

    Mmhh..I agree with all your advises (although most of them are very general...), but I think two are missing: 1) Be true to yourself (i.e. don't do things cause you're scared, don't accept things that seem wrong to you from the beginning) and 2) Share, share, share (wheather is a nice talk, dinner, a movie or a nice walk in the park). This one in particular is never enough.

    I could add two more: 3) Show him that you care...but not too much and 4) Keep him guessing, but these are for "pro's" only....

    Mmhh...more...

    5) Be open, if he asks questions directly.

    6) But never ask questions directly unless you need a straight answer

    7) Be unexpected, but not too much to scare him off

    8) Be consistent. Yes means yes, no means no. Always.

    9) Give only what you've already accepted (Quid pro quo) and viceversa..and

    10) Try to talk of different subjects and see if you're a fit.

     
  • At April 06, 2005 10:19 AM, Blogger DramaKing said…

    #7? Details, darling, details... haha. But it's been fixed, thanks.

    I think your #8 is very much like my #3, but I think your use of the word "consistent" is better. I especially liked your #1, very true, use your gut instinct. #2 I don't think is essencial, but still it's very polite and makes a good impression.

    #3 is a tricky one. I think positive feedback is important though; it's just tricky not to let on you're too interested. #4 is definitely for pro's... and I recommend it especially if your partner is one of those who gets bored easily (i.e. yours truly).

    #5, well, yeah, if he puts you on the spot, I guess honesty is the best policy. I just wouldn't appreciate it - quite rude. #6 is a MUST!

    #7 is also more on the pro side. It especially helps if your partner has a short attention span for guys, haha (i.e. ME, hehe).

    #10 is a really good tip to see if the guy is actually what you expected. Talk on!

    Thanks for your contributions to the Germy-Rules. :)

    -Germy

     
  • At April 06, 2005 3:37 PM, Blogger psesito said…

    It's a game, I got that one. But although nonetheless however... if it is THE ONE, all should flow smoothly (with nervousness but smootly) right?

    Well, I like to believe that. Ok! Ok! A big mistake is a big mistake and even if everything was set perfectly, it will fail. -- I haven't finished this paragraph and I can see your comments about it.

    Anyway, common sense is THE key, more than a set of rules (I think). Nevertheless, an advice is always welcome.

     
  • At April 06, 2005 4:10 PM, Blogger DramaKing said…

    I do believe common sense is the key. I also believe that when the stakes are high (if it indeed is THE ONE), paranoia and self-consciousness kick in and take over, and common sense is hard to come by. So I think a set of rules becomes very helpful. Don't you think?

    -Germy

     
  • At April 06, 2005 4:41 PM, Anonymous Constantino said…

    You won't know if it's the right one after a month... you won't after a year... you may very well not know after a decade... certainly not at our age. As Socrates, and so many others after him have said... we don't really begin to know anything until we're 50. And he said this at a time when life expectancy was, err, around 50...

     
  • At April 06, 2005 5:31 PM, Blogger DramaKing said…

    Good point. How can you ever be sure a guy is the one? I guess you can't.

    Here's a better and more concrete piece of advice... if his humor makes you laugh, he's a keeper. ;-)

    -Germy

     
  • At April 07, 2005 8:43 AM, Blogger SJES said…

    Just the whole notion of "THE ONE" worries me. It says a lot about expectations...and you may remember that "big expectations..."

    Anyway. Not always "the one" is "the first". But sure indeed, most of the times, is "the last".

    Finally...it may be your "one"...but are you his? That's the tricky part.

    Labels aside...please...relax...and enjoy his company. That's what's real...so don't spoil it...or sabotage yourself.

     

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