Dammit, every time someone leaves the company or has a birthday or something, they bring out the cake! Today one of the technical service employees left. Seriously, I think I've eaten cake here like 10 times since I arrived 4 months ago. Geez! No wonder my gut's getting big, :-(

But DAMN; that cheesecake was goooooOOOOOooood....

Word on the street is that War of the Worlds sucks. Anybody see it yesterday?

My boss was in a really bad mood yesterday because of my roomie's quitting and subsequent departure to another job without even saying anything. Today he's better. Normally I wouldn't really care about someone leaving (several have done so since I arrived), but if it puts the guy in a bad mood, then I suffer TOO!!! Arrrggghhhh!

There just isn't any more respect...

Man, Fiona Apple just rocks... haha. I like her two first albums a lot... I also like her latest, Extraordinary Machine. It has some tunes that sound almost infantile and it gives them a serenity that proves treacherous when they dive into hard guitar and piano, sort of like a nightmare. Neat. Ther is an odd backstory to the album, apparently it was never released... it just leaked to the net... cool, haha.

Goodies: Not about love, Extraordinary machine.

Be kind to me,
or treat me mean,
I'll make the most of it,
I'm an extraordi-germy machine!

(Ok, that's not how the song goes, haha. Sue me!)

AF

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Vallarta recently turned 87 and to celebrate they hold an pen-air concert with some big name artist. Last year it was Juan Gabrel, and this year it was none other than Alejandro Fernández!!! Oh my god! This guy is just unbelievably hot and sexy!!! And he has a killer voice to boot! Ha, take that, hot and talented! Add to this the secret gay rumors that swirl around his home state of Jalisco (where Vallarta is) and I HAD TO BE AT THAT CONCERT! hahaha.


Since they publish a local guide here in my company, they got some press passes and me and the gringa pal went to "cover" the event (yeah, with a point-and-shoot camera, haha). Anyways, the streets were PACKED (it was free, hello) and we got to sit right next to the stage!!! WOW!! It was soooo cool! When he came out he looked SOOOOO handsome in his Mexican charro outfit, I almost fainted (ok, not really, but you get the picture).


He sang pretty much non-stop for 2+ hours. And this was good since his public speaking is pretty lousy (just like his dad's, haha). What did you expect? You can't have it all, haha. And WOW, he has such a powerful voice, it's impressive to hear him belt out those high notes. No wonder he was chosen to undersutdy Pavarotti in a recent "Three Tenors concert" in MTY. Be still me heart! What a dreamboat!

AAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!

I HATE THIS STINKIN' TOWN!!!

I wanted to see Woody Allen's Melinda and Melinda and decided to rush and see it today (instead of War of the Worlds) because artie movies hardly last in this place (I passed on Being Julia last time and missed it because it lasted only a week! Geez!). Anyways, off I go and to my amazement the fucking movie was PULLED from the schedule because of the fucking premiere for WOTW!!! AAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Vallartans, thou art a bunch of ignorant hicks!!! A curse on all your houses!!! (or rather, beach huts!!!!).

Updates

Well, my gay roomie quit and he told NO ONE. Well, the magazine editor and she went and told my boss, which in my opinion was totally loser-ish, but oh well. It turns out she's leaving too! :-O But until August. My boss was kind of down about it and when I got home I found both the editor and my roomie in my apartment talking (conspiring?), haha. It turns out he had gotten the job offer last week (in a local resort in their internal communications department) and it was a spur of the moment thing, the working conditions at the magazine stink, the work was no longer challenging and my boss was driving him crazy (he somehow tends to have that effect of people, haha).

Anyways, my other roomie arrived, then my office mate and so we all got talking about their new plans and it was "Bring out the beer, the cocktail wieners and cheese, the popcorn, the deviled ham pate and the crackers!"; hahaha. It was fun and we stayed up playing domino (Wow, I had no idea there was actually a strategy involved! Cool!).

Anyways, since the editor girl is leaving (and she lives with the gringa girl next door) I seeized the chance and asked if I could move in with the Americana... the editor had already been having some problems with my boss so I had sort of anticipated this for a while, hee hee... the apartment has 3 bedrooms so it fits 3 people fine... but it fits 2 better! haha.

Anyways, "change come fast and change come slow..." (Kushner).

OMG!!!! One of my roomies, R (the graphic designer and very gay work colleage) just QUIT!!! :-O I'm in shock!!! He sooooo didn't say anything! More updates as the story develops....

Email

Testing an email post.



Cool.

I changed the font size. Geez, it was just HUGE, haha. Wasn't that annoying??? :-P

Last night I found some of my college gay buddies online. We went into this group chat and it was fun. Quite a "queer" bunch in all senses of the word, haha. It was the strangest thing, but we all became friends in various classes during the first few years of university, and then in the last year we all came out to each other and started going out together, which turned out to be good times all the way. They're all as tasteless and vulgar as ever, which is fabulous, hehe. Btw, the one who got accepted to MIT also got an internship at Qualcomm! GEEZ! Who did this guy fuck to be in such demand?!?!?!

Anyways, we were trading free gay porn sites (like good friends always do!) and it got me thinking about pornography in general... I think my next "Germy takes on..." post will tackle this very interesting topic... you've been warned...

Oh man, Janis Joplin just rocks...

There was a security breach in one fo the FTP servers here and my boss revoked all the Admin privileges from everyone. Now he's the only Admin... and now lots of servers don't give me access and every time this happens I have to go with him and tell him to grant me permissions. AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!! Very annoying...

Shopping Germy

Ok, I'm in final testing to release a new version of the shopping cart at the site I'm working at. I've been coding these changes for a few weeks, and if I screw up it will directly affect the sales on the site. MOMMYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!

Bad date

Sunday, June 26, 2005

Ok, I had a crummy date last Wednesday. And it's all SJES's fault!

Hahaha, ok, ok, it's not completely his fault, he gave some advice and I took it into consideration and acted upon the information I had. And it turned out nasty.

Last Friday I "broke up" with the guy I had been seeing for a week. Anyways, he sent me a txt message on Saturday night but I feigned dementia and didn't answer. On Sunday he sent another one and I finally decided to answer three hours later, and I was pretty vague and non-chalant. Anyways, then he called me and said if I wanted to go out sometime. Internally, I was all like "Hmmm... I think it's too soon. Usually I go through a period of mutual weirdness until I can become buds with a former flame...", but I told him we should go to the movies, on Wednesday (3 days later), I said I'd call him in the week to sort out the details. He sounded a little disappointed but said sure.

The next day I talked with SJES on the phone and he soooooo encouraged me to just go for it and have fun, that the guy knew what I wanted and that if he was stubborn it wasn't my fault. I was marveled by his icy and insensitive advice, and decided to take it (it's not bad advice per se, buddy, I just think I made a bad decision in my particular case).

Anyways, I didn't call the guy until Wednesday afternoon and we made a "buddy date" to see “Batman Begins”. The movie was actually ok, which started off the evening pretty well (I still much prefer the Tim Burton films, especially "Batman Returns"; geez, that movie ROCKS! And I liked the more cartoonish and surreal ambiance as opposed to the gritty realism of the new film). So, after the flick we decided to get a bite to eat. HUGE MISTAKE. After taking a "short cut" through a really nasty neighborhood, we sat down to eat at VIPS and after the drinks were served he started the awkward uncomfortable speak. He began by saying how wrong and silly he had been to want a long term thing, that short term and no- strings-attached was totally the way to go. I started feeling guilty then, and told him "Hey, if long-term is your thing, then go for it. I'm not looking for that right now (LIE: I'm not looking for that with YOU), but you should not ask for anything less". Anyways, it was to no avail. Then he asked me "What did you think when I called you on Sunday? I bet you said 'This loon, why is he bothering me?!?!' right? haha. It's because my roomie said not to call you, that I was being a total loser, but oh well, too late now, huh?". My heart began to sink at this point. What the hell are you supposed to answer to that? I decided to go for slight honesty (ANOTHER HUGE MISTAKE): "Well, I did think it was a little soon... but I was glad you called". Then he said "TOO SOON??? What do you mean too soon??? I mean we ended up as friends, right?". "Yeah, but, well, I thought you'd kind of be a little upset with me and keep your distance for a while..."(or so I HOPED!).... "Hey, it's no big deal, I mean it's not like everybody is gonna like me or anything". Anyways, dinner FINALLY ended and we hopped into a cab and he proceeded to needlessly haggle with the driver and just make me feel even more awkward. For some reason he ended up at my place and we fucked again... haha, no, no, I wasn't THAT horny, haha... he somehow ended up at my building, but I didn't invite him up, I just said a quick goodbye and THANKED GOD the whole ordeal was over! SHEESH!!!

Why don't some people have more self-respect??? I mean COME ON! I could never do that. I've always said, if you have to pick an emotional extreme, you should always go for "too proud" rather than "doormat". It's better for your self-esteem. In all honesty, there is one time when I feel I went over the line into non-self-respecting-Germy territory. It was when my ex-bf left for Canada. Man, I took that really hard and would have done anything to take him back. But looking back on it, it probably was a very formative experience. And I had been going out with him for like a year and therefore formed a bond that was hard to break. I just don't fathom doing it for someone after knowing them a week. Oh well, maybe I'm the crazy one. But I sincerely doubt it. I think I should have been a little meaner during the breakup, it would have stung more, but it would have been much better than that lousy and embarrassing date. Oh well, as I always say in these cases… NEXT!!!

Ubiquitous sex post (finally)

Friday, June 24, 2005

Ok, the title stinks. I think next time I'll try something like "Germy takes on...casual sex!", haha.

Anyways, that will be my topic for today. Casual sex. First off, a definition: a sexual encounter with another person who you barely know and with whom you do not necessarily intend to have a lasting relationship. Ta-da!

Personally, I now have nothing against casual sex. This was not always the case. I used to think it was vile and perverse and it was due to a total lack of self respect and respect for relationships in general. I do not think so any more. I think it originates more from just being plain horny, being sexually experienced and not having a steady partner with whom to satisfy your needs. Nuff said.

I'm all for casual sex. Just under certain conditions. I think it can be perfectly safe. Another reservation I had about it was my total paranoia of catching some sexually transmitted disease; for me, they used to carry a terrible stigma, and anyone who got one was a slut-whore who was being punished. This, of course, is ridiculous. Being with somebody you don't know is obviously risky, but you can mitigate that risk by educating yourself about STD's (or STI's for you UK people). A condom is a VERY effective way to prevent STD's, especially
HIV... but ONLY if you use it properly and not while drunk or under any other influences. Granted, things are a little less romantic, but normally in that state (about to get laid) it's not THAT much of a big deal, haha.

Now, about the moral implications. Is it true that when you start treating sex in a casual way, it looses its meaning? Does it not seem special when you do it with somebody you really love? OF COURSE NOT! GEEZ! Whoever came up with that bullshit?!?!?! Of course sex is different with somebody you really care about versus a stranger, come on! We're not horses or rabbits or anything. Sex with someone you
know well and care about is A LOT better than casual sex (I mean assuming the sex is good... otherwise things can be kind of awkward). Anyways, I do not believe that satisfying your sexual needs makes sex any less special. It's like saying that eating junk food bars you from appreciating gourmet cuisine. Of course it doesn't, if anything it makes you appreciate the good stuff MORE. Let’s face it, sometimes, when the gourmet stuff isn't around, you might have a craving for some thing a little, well, less sophisticated. Catch my drift?

Do I enjoy casual sex? Well, not completely. I still have some trust issues to sort out, and I don't really enjoy sex if I don't trust the other person. Still, this hasn't completely stopped me in the past. While I was in London I had sex with a stranger for the very first time. And I had a steady boyfriend. And he wasn't in town. Yes, I was a bad Germy. But that's not even the half of it. I actually went to this sex club. Yikes! Ok, ok, it wasn't really a sex club. It was a "public sauna"/sex club. There are several in London, places that advertise themselves as saunas or bath houses, but are more like sex clubs, haha. Anyways, a friend took me there once and I was so scared I basically never got out of the Jacuzzi, haha. I mean there were some REALLY good looking guys, and when everyone is wearing just a towel, you get a LOT to look at. So on first visit, I basically did nothing (and only got a blowjob… hey! That’s technically not doing anything!). Then came our Mexican Independence day. We went to a party at the Embassy which totally rocked, and then we went to an after party at a club and THEN we finally decided to hit the sauna. I was pretty drunk so, in hindsight, that was NOT a good idea. So there we were, at this modern-looking underground place adherent to Waterloo station (it was called the Pleasuredrome, for crying out loud! Haha). It had this kind of environmental elegant thing going, lots of metal and brick and glass. Anyways, in we went. As time passed I got subsequently less drunk as I lay in the Jacuzzi and wandered the hall ways, listening to other people fornicate. And I got bored and went back downstairs to the Jacuzzi. And I was just lounging around there when all of a sudden I saw him. He had a broad back and shoulders, he had a really hairy chest and he was bald. Wow, I’m not sure why but he really turned me on. And so I chose him. It’s a hell of a lot easier to pick up a guy when you’re sure that all you want is sex. And so I took him. I’m still not too fond of going out and fucking strangers, but I have to admit that this experience was, well, really good. I couldn’t stop thinking about it for days, weeks even. Anyways, when it was over, we said a quick goodbye and that was that. It was almost shocking how two people could do something so intimate and then walk away. But I sure as hell didn’t want to stay there in his arms, I didn’t even know him. And, of course, I also felt guilty. Dammit, I’d be the perfect slut if I didn’t have a conscience. But I do (so I’m not a slut, ok?!?!?!). And that was that.

I ended up telling my bf, tho. He actually took it in stride, haha, we had always discussed how honesty was what most mattered. Hmmm... no wonder our relationship fell apart... sniff, sniff.

Ok, well, what can we conclude with this? Well, first of all, casual sex is not evil. People are. As long as it’s between consenting adults (or really mature teenagers), I’m all for it. I recommend educating yourself about STD’s, to find out what is risky and what isn’t, and to make an educated decision (and taking calculated risks). And do NOT do it if you're in a committed relationship, hello. As for myself, I still don’t think it’s my thing; even though I had an “pleasurable” experience, I think the best part of fornicating is collapsing afterwards in a heap of exhaustion and falling asleep next to your partner. Saying goodbye and walking away is not that appealing to me. Nuff said.

Random mussings

Ok, this has gone far enough. My boss mentioned to my office mate that he was looking slow on scoring here in Vallarta, that even Germy had already beaten him on the prowl. WHAT?!?!? Now even my frickin' boss knows?!?!? GEEZ!!! Talk about gossipy roomies, you've got to be kidding me, man!...... but in a way I think it's kind of cool for everybody to know I scored, hee hee.

... and I scored a ZERO, by the way. I went out with the guy again, post "break-up" (after getting encouragement from SJES), and it was a HUGE mistake... I'll elaborate on a later post...

As I was leaving to go see a play (I'll elaborate later, also), I mentioned to my roomies "Hey, I know I haven't mentioned it, but if you guys need my computer, you can always use it, s'all yours"... to which one of them replied "Oh, he he, thanks, but you know, after coming home from the office the last thing we need is to sit in front of a monitor". And they subsequently went back to playing their video games, sitting in front of the TV. You've go to be fucking kidding me....

Defending DaVinci

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Ok, I just came back from the writer’s workshop and I'm a little pissed. No, it's not because some of the losers there treat the teacher as if he were some scholar (as if could actually tell a verb from a noun) and it's also not because he LOVES going off topic to needlessly mention a lot of the authors he's read. Not, this time I'm pissed because they were discussing Dan Brown's The DaVinci Code.

I've just about had it with people dismissing this book as populist crap. It's seems to be the vogue nowadays, to talk shit about this monumentally huge bestseller and make yourself look all intellectual in the process. OH PLEASE! Bad mouthing a successful author only makes you look jealous and bitter, so ha!

Anyways, a lot of this criticism stems from the fact that a lot of the really controversial and "shocking" revelations Brown makes in is book were already documented many times before and even part of a plot of an earlier book (Umberto Eco's Foucault’s Pendulum). Ok, if publishing never-before-seen material were any part the basis of literary merit, you'd have to revoke a hell of a lot of Nobel Prizes, so that argument is worth shit.

Others dismiss is as not being real literature, but mainly "this week's bestseller". Ok, HELLO, the fucking book has been on the NY Times' Bestseller list for 117 WEEKS!!!, that's over 2 years man! It's NOT a passing phenomenon... that's an extraordinary feat for ANY book. And success does not mean it's a low quality book. First of all, it's a MYSTERY novel, ok? It's not a novel about deep reflections on life seen through the eyes of a mentally retarded man or the unbearable lightness of being depressed... it's a mystery novel, a caper, Indiana Jones, etc, etc, etc... criticizing it for not being more (as if the book were pretentious in any way, which it is NOT) is like yelling at an orange for not being a cucumber. It's stupid. This book is a mystery novel and it's a damned good one. Grabbing a reader's attention and holding it with clues and clever (and some not so clever) plot twists is not as easy as it sounds. It just drives me crazy when people snobilly put it down (and some of them haven't even read it... like the workshop teacher!). It's a good mystery novel. It has some sensationalistic religious content, yes... but the reason you keep turning the fucking pages is because of the writing, the way the information is thought up, structured and presented.... not just because the holy grail really is or really isn't a... oh, forget it.

There, whew... rant over...

Speaking of busses...

Since I was getting into the topic of busses, another entertaining aspect about the beach busses (at least for me) are the people who periodically get on the bus to sell stuff.

I had never seen this until I came to live near Central Mexico. Most of these characters are quite annoying. They hawk all sorts of stuff... stationary, candy, meals, photos, drawings, wallets, medicine, vitamins... if you can sell it, someone's probably already tried to do so on a bus in Mexico.

Anyways, some of these sales people are really very young and to see them often makes me think about how lucky I was that I never had the necessity to work when I was their age. So I periodically (not always) buy stuff from them. Anything really, I'm not really very picky. The point is to hand them some cash as a sign of solidarity... I mean they could turn to other ways of earning money that are much less honorable (and legal, for that matter); but they don't, so I buy from them.

Also, I always enjoy when somebody gets on the bus and provides a musical background to the trip. I just really appreciate someone making my journey a little cozier; so I give them a little money. This one time, two guy with guitars started playing this kick-ass version of Juanes' "A Dios le pido". Wow, that was some mean stringin'. Then there was this time when I got on and had the misfortune to hear this little kid singing a capella in his tender yet staggeringly off-key voice. Yikes. I gave him some money anyways, I think, I mean he must have needed it badly. He really sucked, tho.

Once, when I was traveling back to work after lunch with "me work mates", there was this particularly inspired guitarist playing some lovely ballad I can't quite recall. Anyways, I was so moved I decided to give him some coins in appreciation (as I always do); but in doing so, I missed my stop and everyone from work managed to get off... except me, of course. ARRGGGGHHHH! And I had to get off at the next stop... 4 fucking blocks away. And I mean really big block, man. Shit. Needless to say, my respectful and meek work colleagues’ laugh about it to this day and whenever we all get off a bus together, they always tell me to hold someone's hand so I won't get lost again. Sheehs, assholes. Anyways, viva les busses!

P.S. You know, for some really odd reason, I've become quite fond of the guitar while here in PV. There are some cheap lessons here... who knows, I might just take up a new hobby...

Meeting

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Today I had a meeting with the guy from the AIDS organization I'm volunteering with. As I walked into the office I saw that there was some sort of meeting going on. Then the guy in charge introduced me to the people in attendance, the HIV+ support group.

Yikes, I was not expecting to meet them without any warning. There they were, sitting in a small circle, about 8 or 9 people, and a psychologist. Wow, it's sad, but I think that if I had not lived what I lived, I might not have had the nerve to look them in the eye. But I did live it, and I did look at every one of them.

What they discussed broke my heart. They are low income workers and therefore rely on the organization to help pay for their medication and tests. They were discussing how some of their tests were overdue and who was in line to have the next one as soon as more money was available. Jesus Christ, I didn't know what to say, my heart just sank. I wanted to say that I'd help pay for it myself. But I didn't (honestly, that would have been kind of weird and foolish). Instead, I remembered why I was there and what my mission was.

I just feel a sorrow sometimes so deep, I can't possibly explain. Having had my own brush with HIV, having seen all I've seen in several AIDS clinics. But sorrow won't help anything or anybody. Action is what does that. And that's what I need to accomplish. Action. Change.

Bus ride (of death!)

Taking the bus here in PV can be quite the experience. No, the buses themselves aren't as nasty as the ones I encountered in MTY, but most of them aren't that much better. MTY had a bus system that mirrored its class system: there were a few really really clean, modern and pretty buses; there were a lot of so-so busses, and there were even more ugly ones.

Here in town, pretty much all the busses are equally crappy (except for like 3 that go through the touristy zone, arggghhh). Plus, a bus ride here can be a very "interesting" journey. Most of the streets in downtown are paved with cobblestone, so as you can imagine, they make for quite a bumpy ride while in a normal car. You'd think that on a bus you'd feel it less, but you'd be wrong because:

A) The suspensions on these things suck
B) The seats are as stiff as can be
C) The bus drivers make it through the hilly section of downtown as if they were a fucking rocket, and what you get is the Central-Mexican equivalent of the Indiana Jones ride at Disneyland. Sans the safety belts and cheesy special effects. And any peace of mind about your well-being.

There is this one really steep street that, when being driven over at top bus speed, feels like a fucking drop on a roller coaster; I'm serous, there was this one time when these American kids yelled in excitement and lifted their hands as if they were in a Six Flags park... WTF?!?!?! I mean as if the damn bus had really reliable breaks or as if there were any seat belts available. Quite "fun".

Ya know...

After talking with lots of people of varying incomes, I've come to a resounding conclusion: it's simply never enough money. You always find some way of spending it all, or of at least coming up with enough things to want that they eventually are out of your reach. Sheesh.

Ok, cool... now what do I do with this infomation?

"Quotable Quote"

Monday, June 20, 2005

Freedom's just another word for nothing left to loose.

-Janis Joplin, Me & Bobby McGee

Can money buy happiness? (continued)

Sunday, June 19, 2005

Ok, I think a little abstract is necessary in order to decide whether or not to tackle the How not to buy happiness link:


This article talks about how happiness can be affected by relative wealth. It portrays a series of "mental experiemnts" in which it is shown that certain behaviors translate wealth directly into happiness, whereas others create more stress and frustration or, in other words, un-happiness. Therefore money can buy happiness, but only if it is spent in the correct way


Like I said, an interesting (if long) read. So I finally got it... now all I need is dough, haha.

There'll be some changes made

Ok, I've finally said goodbye to the Tag Board (used to be on the right-hand side). Yeah, it never really caught on. I think the whole Comment thing is a lot better. This is the first of a few changes I have planned here (I've been fooling around with the design somewhat... but I'll eventually put in one of my own... if you see anything buggy in your browser, please let me know). It's about time I start showing I'm a frickin' web developer, haha. You've been warned...


P.S. I've been posting on this thing, on and off, for a year now... and what a year it has beeen. Wow, time flies. Happy birthday.

"Break-up"

Awww, I "broke up" with the guy I met last Saturday. Weirdly, we weren't even going out. But it sure felt like a break-up.

Ok, first off, let me clear up some stuff. When I went home with him last week, after I picked him up (or he picked me up?), we didn't go "all the way", but let's just say we got to know each other pretty well, haha. Anyways, we spent all Sunday together, which was really sweet. On Monday night he called me and I invited him for some drinks on Tuesday (2x1 martini's man! awesome!). So we went...

Man, going to a 2x1 bar on a weekday is a NO-NO! Why don't I learn?!?!? This is not the first time I get shit-faced and have to go to work the next morning. DAMMIT! Anyways, while I was getting pretty drunk with this guy, we got to talking and it was fun and stuff. Then we headed to the club where we had met the previous Saturday and the place was almost completely abandoned, haha, but we were quite "happy" at that point and just danced and laughed and drank. It started out quite fun. Then, about an hour and a half later (I think) things got a little too mushy. Let me explain:

This was the second time I had gone out with this guy. SECOND TIME. Even though I had found him fun and cute, I was not totally into him but what willing to go out with him and have some fun. The problem was that this guy got a different impression and began giving signals (quite literal ones) that he wanted to trudge full force into a formal relationship. Ok, let me just make this clear, Germy is all for formal relationships, it's actually what I prefer (see, I'm NOT a slut, ok???? haha)... the problem here was that I really wasn't interested in this guy for a LTR. It was that simple. I kind of got a little cold and he didn't take it all too well. The booze didn't help.

We had planned to go to the movies on Wednesday (they opened a new multiplex here and we wanted to go see Batman Begins) but I cancelled. I dunno, I just didn't want to give this guy a wrong impression. I told him we'd go out on Friday. So Friday came. My plan was to just be honest and tell him I wasn't interested in a LTR (with him, but I was just gonna say in general...). My only hope was that he would agree to just keep going out, no commitment... but that was a long shot. So we saw each other, he was very friendly, but I could sense his defenses were up. So I broke it to him, and he took it quite well, even a little coldly. He offered an open-relationship (WHO EVER INVENTED THAT FUCKING ARRANGEMENT??? I'm a terribly jealous person, so I could NEVER EVER EVER so that...) and I declined. We left the bar and headed towards the cabs. He stopped me on the way and kissed me. I, of course, let myself get kissed. We continued walking... and he did it again. Awwwwww. Then he walked me to my cab. I was a little sorry, I mean we had great chemistry and we had lots of fun. It's just that... oh, I dunno, lost of things. This guy didn't really do it for me; maybe it's too soon... I don't know. It was just a melancholy moment.

He texted me yesterday, but I was out with friends and didn't answer. Why prolong the hurt.

Oh, btw, my roommate R went and told everybody at the office that I didn't come home last Saturday night, that little weasel! Great, now I'm officially the office slut. Hahahaha! And not only that, there was this other guy from the office that night, someone I do NOT hang out with at all, and apparently he also saw me making out like crazy with this guy in mid-dance-floor. Oh well, so much for my image as a nice and quiet developer...

New Apartment

Thursday, June 16, 2005

Well, I moved into a new apartment, only I know have TWO roommates. Here's the story, in short:

When my old roomy announced he was leaving the company, I saw it as my chance to finally get my own apartment (I've always dreamed of having my own place to do naughty things in, hahaha). But the places I started looking at that were in my price range were not really that cool. A view of the beach was out of the question, even getting a pad in the trendy and gay district of the Zona Romántica was too pricey and over 20% of my salary (what is recommended you spend on rent per month).

Anyways, my gringa friend was apartment hunting with me and she came upon a really neat place and moved in with this other girl from work. It was very spacious, had a beautiful view of the beach and was not that expensive. It turned out that the apartment right next to it became vacant a few days later and, well, me and two other guys from work decided to go for it. The place is even bigger and has a better view of the ocean, haha. Sadly, we have no furniture, so it looks empty... or spacious, depending on your point of view, hahaha. So now a lot of us people from work live together, and we go out sometimes and stuff, so that's fun. And my share of the rent is REALLY cheap! Hahahaha. Here's to Vallarta living!

P.S. I'm still sleeping on just a mattress, but at least I have a computer! (yeah, my priorities are geeky, 'nuff said).

Conversation over beers

Monday, June 13, 2005

GERMY: Yeah, that sounds pretty weird.
M: I know, he was totally a faggot.
G: Ahemmm, that's HOMOSEXUAL.
M: Oh, umm, yeah, sorry...
G: Did you know I was gay?
M: *Eyes widen* NO... dude, I'm sorry!
G: That's ok, just be respectful.
M: Oh I am, really!
G: Sure.
M: No, really, I had a lot of gay friends in college.
G: Good for you...
M: Yeah, I mean they were really good pals, some of them.
G: You don't say...
M: I mean I studied design, there were tons of 'em.
G: No shit...
M: Yeah, I even kissed a guy once!
G: What?
M: Yeah, I was really drunk and thigns got kind of out of hand, but it was all in good fun. But I've never gone farther than that, but I'm cool with anybody who does.
G: Ok, TMI.
M: Oh, ok, sorry... one of my friends even came on to me once, and I was like "Hey, I have no problem with that, I just don't do that sort fo thing".
G: Ok, drop it! You're not a homophobe, point taken.
M: See!
G: Shush!... waiter, more beer!
M: Amen to that...

Germy scores

I haven't posted in a long while. Sorry 'bout that. Work has been a little overwhelming. I know have to take care of all the stuff I used to do plus the stuff my old roommate did. He left in May because he got a scholarship to study a Master's degree in France... lucky dork. Anyways, he left and I never even told him I was gay. I don’t know, I mean I wasn't completely sure how he would take it, and when I found out he was leaving anyways I said "what's the use". But still, I think I missed an opportunity to at least try and change somebody's image of homosexuals. We had a really good rapport going. Oh well...

I'm gonna start posting from my house soon. I bought a desktop last Saturday and will hopefully be picking it up tomorrow, hoo-ray! It's got 512 MB of RAM, 80GB hard drive, 17'' flat screen monitor... I'm in love, hahaha. Anyways, with any luck I'll get the internet installed this week also... so expect more posts soon as well as a general redesign of the place...

I also met a guy. Me and my work colleagues decided to hit the town on Saturday. We went bar hopping downtown. It was so-so at first 'cause we hit really lame places, then we ended up at Carlos O'brien's (I LOVE the music at that place!), and things got a lot more fun, drinking and dancing around. Anyways, I had other plans for that night, so after a good while I asked my gay roommate, R, if he was going to join me for some "alternative action". He declined (YES!!!) so I was off alone (double YES!!). The truth is that I was in the mood to score, and I didn’t wantcompany; I know, I get a negative HIV test back and I'm off... I don't know, it sounds odd, but being in a state of not knowing completely turned off my libido for a while, and some weird feeling that I wasn't supposed to go out took over me, weird and unfounded. Anyways, I was off. The most popular club in Vallarta is usually packed on a Saturday night, no matter what the season. So there I was, roaming around with my beer bottle as my only company. After about a half hour I started to get hungry (for food now) and said to myself "Self, if you don't pick up a guy in 15 min, we're heading towards the exit and to get some tacos, got it? It's fucking 4am!" So I roamed some more and came upon a tall handsome specimen. He was in his early thirties I thought, and his physical appearance was not bad at all. So I approached him, beer bottle in hand, and pretended to watch the lip-synching transvestite show, all the while getting closer. While I was still contemplating how to make my final move, some other guy came up next to me and tapped me on the side. I turned, he was pretty cute, and he smiled, and I smiled back. He offered to buy me a beer, I saw that mine was almost over and accepted, we went to the bar. We talked for a little while, then went into make-out mode for like an hours, haha. Anyways, to make a long story short, I spent the night with him (I know, that sounds really slutty, but it's not, oK???).

He was staying at a friend's house because his roomy was having the whole family over. SO I wake up in a strange bedroom and I realize it's this beautifully decorated hacienda-style house, and it has the large windows and fantastic beach view and everything. Wow! Too bad it didn't belong to my guy, haha. Anyways, this had never really happened to me before (because I'm NOT a slut, HELLO!), but I realized that the guy I had picked up (or had picked ME up???) was not as good looking in broad daylight as he was in a dark and smoky club, hahaha. He was still cute, just not as much as I had first thought.

Anyways, I ended up spending to whole day with him. We went to eat, buy some stuff for my new apartment and watch TV at his (real) place. He's a really sweet fellow. He's 27, older than me, which is good. He studied tourism, is shorter than me and is currently unemployed (which is bad, haha). He arrived here last Monday and is looking for a job around town. I don't know, I mean he’s not really what I imagined myself dating, I mean I think I need someone more nerdy. Still, he's really nice and we have fun, so I'll just keep my mind open for the time being. Cheers to Germy, the open-opportunity-non-slut-dater, hahaha.

Negative

Friday, June 10, 2005

I had my final AIDS test done on Monday, and I got the results today. After what seemed like A FUCKING YEAR the nurse returned and we went into a small office and she told me that my blood did not contain any antibodies for the Human Immunodeficiency Virus known, the agent that depletes your immune system and causes a condition known as Acquired Immunodeficiency Syndrome, in which your T-cells are reduced to such a low amount that infections and diseases that the body can normally fight off suddenly start appearing. And I don't have it. Thank God. The clinic here in Vallarta was actually quite well maintained and the nurse who managed my case, Mayra, was very well prepared and informed; their methods really compared quite well to the treatment I received in London, I was pleasantly surprised.

A few months back I approached the local AIDS organization in town and offered my services. They run a program that provides information, support and medication to AIDS patients. You can imagine how hard it is to do this in a small beach city in Mexico, so anything they do is a great victory.

Their web site sucks, tho, so I offered to initially help them out with that. I really would like to participate in an education campaign (I'm revamping their old PowerPoint presentation) and maybe even help out or accompany patients (even if my work schedule makes it difficult). The idea used to frighten me terribly. Even though it sounds mean, I was horrified by the notion of being in close contact with somebody who had AIDS or HIV even. They personified death for me, and my first instinct was to run.

Well, I finally saw the world through their eyes. And I got myself better educated. I saw first hand how cruel it was to have your world collapse around you because of disease and then have your closest loved ones flee from your side. It's almost unbearable. This disease carries a very strong social stigma with it... it doesn't just kill your body; it kills your soul and your spirit. I hope I will be able to change that. I have always believed things happen for a reason, and I think this is my reason.

On a side note, I read that trained nurses are in grave shortage in developed countries. The USA, UK and other first-world nations are opening their borders to nurses from developing countries all over the world, and it has sparked debate, especially in Africa, because they are losing badly needed trained health-care workers. Even though I often dream of leaving this crazy, pitiful and amazing country some day, I was so fucking happy Mayra was here to talk to me and calm me and make me feel better and not somewhere else. Food for thought.