Bad date

Sunday, June 26, 2005

Ok, I had a crummy date last Wednesday. And it's all SJES's fault!

Hahaha, ok, ok, it's not completely his fault, he gave some advice and I took it into consideration and acted upon the information I had. And it turned out nasty.

Last Friday I "broke up" with the guy I had been seeing for a week. Anyways, he sent me a txt message on Saturday night but I feigned dementia and didn't answer. On Sunday he sent another one and I finally decided to answer three hours later, and I was pretty vague and non-chalant. Anyways, then he called me and said if I wanted to go out sometime. Internally, I was all like "Hmmm... I think it's too soon. Usually I go through a period of mutual weirdness until I can become buds with a former flame...", but I told him we should go to the movies, on Wednesday (3 days later), I said I'd call him in the week to sort out the details. He sounded a little disappointed but said sure.

The next day I talked with SJES on the phone and he soooooo encouraged me to just go for it and have fun, that the guy knew what I wanted and that if he was stubborn it wasn't my fault. I was marveled by his icy and insensitive advice, and decided to take it (it's not bad advice per se, buddy, I just think I made a bad decision in my particular case).

Anyways, I didn't call the guy until Wednesday afternoon and we made a "buddy date" to see “Batman Begins”. The movie was actually ok, which started off the evening pretty well (I still much prefer the Tim Burton films, especially "Batman Returns"; geez, that movie ROCKS! And I liked the more cartoonish and surreal ambiance as opposed to the gritty realism of the new film). So, after the flick we decided to get a bite to eat. HUGE MISTAKE. After taking a "short cut" through a really nasty neighborhood, we sat down to eat at VIPS and after the drinks were served he started the awkward uncomfortable speak. He began by saying how wrong and silly he had been to want a long term thing, that short term and no- strings-attached was totally the way to go. I started feeling guilty then, and told him "Hey, if long-term is your thing, then go for it. I'm not looking for that right now (LIE: I'm not looking for that with YOU), but you should not ask for anything less". Anyways, it was to no avail. Then he asked me "What did you think when I called you on Sunday? I bet you said 'This loon, why is he bothering me?!?!' right? haha. It's because my roomie said not to call you, that I was being a total loser, but oh well, too late now, huh?". My heart began to sink at this point. What the hell are you supposed to answer to that? I decided to go for slight honesty (ANOTHER HUGE MISTAKE): "Well, I did think it was a little soon... but I was glad you called". Then he said "TOO SOON??? What do you mean too soon??? I mean we ended up as friends, right?". "Yeah, but, well, I thought you'd kind of be a little upset with me and keep your distance for a while..."(or so I HOPED!).... "Hey, it's no big deal, I mean it's not like everybody is gonna like me or anything". Anyways, dinner FINALLY ended and we hopped into a cab and he proceeded to needlessly haggle with the driver and just make me feel even more awkward. For some reason he ended up at my place and we fucked again... haha, no, no, I wasn't THAT horny, haha... he somehow ended up at my building, but I didn't invite him up, I just said a quick goodbye and THANKED GOD the whole ordeal was over! SHEESH!!!

Why don't some people have more self-respect??? I mean COME ON! I could never do that. I've always said, if you have to pick an emotional extreme, you should always go for "too proud" rather than "doormat". It's better for your self-esteem. In all honesty, there is one time when I feel I went over the line into non-self-respecting-Germy territory. It was when my ex-bf left for Canada. Man, I took that really hard and would have done anything to take him back. But looking back on it, it probably was a very formative experience. And I had been going out with him for like a year and therefore formed a bond that was hard to break. I just don't fathom doing it for someone after knowing them a week. Oh well, maybe I'm the crazy one. But I sincerely doubt it. I think I should have been a little meaner during the breakup, it would have stung more, but it would have been much better than that lousy and embarrassing date. Oh well, as I always say in these cases… NEXT!!!

2 Comments:

  • At June 27, 2005 9:06 AM, Blogger SJES said…

    Well...I think my advice was good..but you changed your position! Let me explain.

    "So, after the flick we decided to get a bite to eat." Aw come on. It was supposed to be JUST THE MOVIE!!! Sheeesh. Dinner = talk and we didn't wanted to talk.

    "He began by saying how wrong and silly he had been to want a long term thing, that short term and no- strings-attached was totally the way to go." Best answer for that should have been: "Oh come one. You've changed your whole position on dating in just 3 days? I don't buy it." That would have set the whole tone of the conversation.

    "What did you think when I called you on Sunday? I bet you said 'This loon, why is he bothering me?!?!' right? haha. It's because my roomie said not to call you, that I was being a total loser, but oh well, too late now, huh?". Best answer: "I think your roomie is one hell of a guy. Very smart. I think you should listen to him more often. Hehe. But seriously, I didn't think any of that. What I thought was "man, this guy...why is he doing this to himself? It was pretty clear you wanted a LTR and I didn't. The only thing we may have in common is a friendship. And good friendships are built over time...and without awkward conversations. Like this one. Maybe we should change the subject. Don't you think?".

    "Hey, it's no big deal, I mean it's not like everybody is gonna like me or anything" God. This one is a fantastic line. One possible answer: "That's so true. We can't be loved by everyone. Isn't it bitchy? The thing is I respect you and I think you're one hell of a guy. But you're making me feel uncomfortable with this whole conversation. I thought you understood the whole situation and now I'm thinking you didn't. Bummer."

    My point is: the guy knew what you wanted...and yet he somehow tried to make you believe he had changed his mind in 3 days..and then he tried to make you feel bad for it. You should have stopped him right there and there. The idea of being icy and insensitive should have stayed with you the whole evening.

    But well....those are my two cents.

     
  • At June 27, 2005 9:41 AM, Blogger DramaKing said…

    Dammit, S, why aren't you available 24/7?!?!?! I soooo needed those lines last Wednesday!!! Do you have some sort of txt message service for daters??? haha.

    But yes, I do take responsibility for not having been more straightforward with the guy. I dunno, I'm such a wimp when it comes to letting guys down... and I usually end up causing more damage.

    P.S. You said to fondle him! Since I didn't have the opportunitu during the mvoie (too many damn families!), I thought dinner would be a good option... arrggghhh! Foiled again!

     

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