The silent roommate

Sunday, July 31, 2005

Yes, as I've mentioned before, there has been some tension here at my apartment. Me and R are still not talking. Sounds silly, doesn’t it? It’s actually a long story… so here goes…

First, when I got here and before he was my roommate, R sort of had a crush on me, I think. I might have been my fear of persecution, but in any case I sort of brought it upon myself because when I got here he was the only other gay guy I knew and so I tried to hang out with him a lot. I obviously sent him the wrong message and he then started looking for me a lot, sending suggestive but ambiguous IM's in the process. I kind of laid low for a while and it sort of blew over... or so I thought.

Things started out bad when I spent the night over at some other guy's house. He made a few surprised comments to me, sort of to provoke me, and I obviously paid him no heed. I then found out he had been telling people at the office and even though I was a bit annoyed, I did nothing. Then I found out that even my fucking boss knew, so I voiced my disapproval to him. He denied telling my boss and said that he had only told one person; he complained that I was overreacting and he was quite defensive about it. The friction had begun.

Things pretty much came crashing down when all of a sudden he left the company without even saying "g'bye". Things at the magazine (where he worked) had been going to hell for a while. The editor was just way too disorganized and lazy, and she ended up making everyone stay late whenever they had a deadline. So he just up and left one evening and the next day reported to work at another company. My boss took it rather badly; he was just baffled, he had thought he had a good relationship with R and he thought there was mutual respect and a certain degree of trust. R's vanishing pretty much disproved that. He kept R’s paycheck in his drawer and sent word to him saying that he would have to pick it up from him personally, so to at least get a chance to speak to him once. As of this writing, R has yet to pick up his check... geez...

I was pretty bummed about what he had done, so the day after he quit, I got home in a bad mood because my boss had been moody all day also (yeah, great strategy, an employee leaves so let's be grouchy to everyone! Sheesh...). Here I think I made another mistake... I openly told R he had been a jerk for just up and leaving. I told him I respected his reasons (the nasty work environment and disorganized management), but that just disappearing had been really immature and even cowardly. Oops. Needles to say, R took this rather badly, he threw a few excuses around and I decided not to press him. What was the use? But I fear the damage was done.

A day or two later, we were all at the local bar (it's right around the corner, literally, haha) and getting shit-faced when R started ranting about what a crappy company ours was and that he was quite happy to have left, pretty much inferring that we were a bunch of fools to have stayed behind. I was not in a mood to be insulted (and I actually LIKE where I work), and since none of the other employees were saying anything (cowards!) I decided to call him on his bullshit... and it got ugly. R has never been one to debate with, really. He has a pretty big mouth and says things like they were law, and whenever someone questions him, he dismisses him instantly and gets sort of aggressive. Well, I wasn't gonna get dismissed easily. So the discussion almost erupted into a yelling match. It culminated with R getting up all angry and drunk and staggering to the bathroom. When he came back, we all pretended nothing had happened and that was that. Or so I thought.

The next time I spoke to R, it was just a simple "Hi", I was met with intent silence. I was all like "Huh? Did he not hear me? Is he not talking to me now? OH, COME ON! What is this? A punishment? PLEASE! It's not like talking to you was ever really that rewarding, bubby". It was quite weird, really. So we were like that for a few days and I made a comment to my gringa friend, and that very evening she came over and had a conversation with R and me. It was pretty casual, but she got him and me to participate. When she left I even asked him how his night out had been, and he answered in a timely and well-mannered way. Yay! things were all good again. Or so I thought.

A few days later, again, I just said a casual "Hi" to R, and was met with silence again. Ok, that was it. I really do not have any problem NOT speaking to R, what I HATE is not knowing if we're on speaking terms or not. Give me a break! It's quite rude and immature not to answer people when they fucking talk to you! Anyways, I got the feeling he wanted me to get angry and say something to him... so I didn't. I just went about my way and ignored him right back. What a world... asshole.

One time he got drunk and started throwing indirect (verbal) jabs at me. I knew better now than to argue with a drunk R, but it totally annoyed the FUCKING HELL out of me. After that, I was determined to not speak to him again in a good while.

Since then I've found out a few things I didn't know about R's new job. I got news that he's earning nearly HALF of his old salary and also has to take a 1hr bus ride (one way) starting at 8am to and from his new job (he used to get it at 9am and had a daily commute of about 5min); he only gets half an hour to eat (versus 2 hrs here) and has to work MORE hours (excluding the 2 hr commute). Also, his main reason for quitting, our lazy and disorganized editor, also quit when she heard he had left. Upon hearing this, R reportedly said "Fuck, if I'd known that, I wouldn't have quit". Sheesh... life's a bitch, ain't it?

I think I've judged my silent roomie a little too harshly. He seems to be mad at the world right now, even his close friends have noticed it. His angry vibe seems to be projecting itself in all directions. He had always boasted about how fearless and “I-don’t-give-a-shit” he was, but his leaving in such an abrupt manner pretty much proved he was not as brave as he had boasted. So ad embarrassment to the bill…

What do you do with someone like this? I'm content to let things stay the same for now, like I said, R was never one for deep or particularly interesting conversation; but my mom is coming in 2 weeks, so I'd like things to be a little less tense. Don't get me wrong, I am in NO mood to act like peacekeeper with a 27 yr old. But, I'm all ears to any suggestions...

Sinful pleasure

Saturday, July 30, 2005

Wow! Sin City was a great movie! It had been a while since I had seen a mainstream flick with such edge. The dialogue and situations were extremely cheesy at times, but you got the idea that it was on purpose, which actualy made them more interesting. A delight from beginning to end! A triumph for digital film making and green-screen technology.

Yes, it was one of the most graphically violent films I've ever seen (I haven't seen "The Passion of the Christ" and don't plan to, so I can't include it in my criteria, haha); but there was an aura of cartoonish surreality to the film (I mean look at the Yellow Bastard, will you?!?!), so the violence was a little easier to take (and the fact that blood is colored white, yellow and red, helps, haha). Anyways, towards the end, you've already seen so much you're practically de-sensitized! Geez...

There are three stories here and all three are great! My personal favorite was The Big Fat Kill, because:

A) It had Clive Owen, who is too handsome for words!
B) It had a lot of hookers in it, which is always fun, haha.
C) It had the girl from "Gilmore Girls" as a hooker and her fate is especially satisfying, I HATE her voice! haha.
D) Wow, Benicio del Toro really is a good actor. Wow, I finally came to terms with it.
E) Brittany Murphy was so bad, she was good, as the battered girlfriend, haha.
F) The plot twists are genuinely neat
G) The ending is AWESOME!
H) The las minutes of the movie are partcularly AWESOME!

You know it's a good movie when you walk away thinking Josh Hartnett can actually act... for periods of 2 minutes or less, at least.

The impertinence!

Friday, July 29, 2005

My editor just had the nerve to tell me that my latest taco stand review was boring! WHAT?!?!?! My prose is many things I believe... but "boring" is, in my opinion, not one of them.

I made a taco stand review in which I highlighted the fact that a blonde bombshell tends the joint and is inadvertently the nocturnal hostess to a quasi social club that camps out around her stand every night. The place is near the clubs of downtown, so you get lots of drunk and "happy" folks, haha, and she's a very gracious hostess considering the circumstances, never ever loosing her poise or good humor no matter how fucking late it is. The salsas are great, and she has this absolutely delicious green one that makes my mouth water... and also the spiciest crushed chile salsa I've ever tasted! Yikes!

It's not odd to see someone pass by, yell hi to her, and have her yell back a hello full of obscenities, haha. What a night...

Anyways, I'm appalled at the accusation! There is just no more respect!

Scary phone is no more

Ok, my grinag friend saw in what peril I was and fixed my scary phone!

No, she didn't pound it into the ground or anything, She "magically" switched down the volumen with the volume control that was on the back of the fucking thing.

Another one for us engineers... sheesh... hahaha.

Donation night

Thursday, July 28, 2005

Ok, last night was interesting.

There was this drag show that was going to be held in the biggest gay club here in Vallarta. This drag queen was showcasing her best numbers (and some new ones) and a percentage of the proceeds were going to the AIDS foundation were I'm volunteering at. Fun was guaranteed, haha.

I bought some tickets and offered to help in any way I could. This wound up being me at the door asking for donations, haha. Whenever someone donated, they got a free condom and free lube. We could NOT fail! Haha. If you gave a hefty donation, you got a flavored condom! (We had, strawberry, mint, vanilla, grape, banana and cola... who the hell knew there were cola-flavored condoms?!?!).

Anyways, I arrived and as I started organizing the condoms by flavor, the first group of gringo's came in. I struck up a conversation and we actually chatted for a bit. All four of them gave money and they each got a different flavor, haha. Turns out I was a little too enthusiastic and was asked to move my stuff further down the entrance hall, away from the ticket counter because I was be a distraction to the customers... SHEESH! The damn manager was some bald bitch on wheels, but it was his way or the high way, so off I went. Bitch...

Anyways, after I moved down the hall it turned out to be perfect because after they payed for their entrance, a lot of people had change, so it was a great chance to work my stuff, haha. It was actually quite fun, since I was "un-supervised" (more on this later) I got to flirt around with guys and ask them for money... and I technically wasn't whoring myself, haha. I can summon up slut-like instincts in a heart beat. But I'm no slut... Germy is more of an equal opportunity flirter... hahaha.

Anyways, after the show started, me and this waiter were exchanging nasty and lust-filled glances, haha (he had this amazing ass! WOW!). Then he came up to me! GASP! But he uttered no indecent proposal, dammit; rather, he said some guy in the front had offered to buy me a drink! Oh my God! That was sooo COOL! That had never happened to me before! Hahaha. I gladly asked for a beer and thanked my benefactor (who was old and ugly, I think...).

The show was actually pretty good. They had some neat choreography (man, those guys look SO much better than regular women, it’s weird) and neat songs. They totally won me over by singing “And I am telling you” from Dreamgirls.

After the show, I said a goodbye to the organizers and made a quick exit before my sugar daddy made me "pay" for the beer, haha.... Viva Vallarta!

Scary phone

My phone scares me. :-S

I finally had one installed a few weeks ago here at my desk (I had always been using my boss' phone whenever someone needed me and it just got TOO awkward, haha). The problem now is that the damn ringer volume is set too high. I went through the entire user's manual and there was no mention of how to lower it! DAMN TELMEX!!!

Now, I live in fear of it ringing and scaring the hell out of me...

Ordinary

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Whenever I encounter someone who claims to be (either directly or indirectly) an intellectual, the desire to unmask him or her as a pseudo-intellectual is almost too great, haha. In my book, as soon as someone makes an effort to show how intellectual they are, they immediately loose any trace of intellectuality...

I read the blog of a former editor here, and she made a rather snide and sarcastic post about a boring date she had. She mentioned how this guy was one of the many ordinary people who roam the Earth. She spoke of him like talking about some insect she had caught in a jar and was staring at, watching how it pathetically writhed about helplessly under her heavy stare.

It was honestly laughable... even more so than she originally intended, I think. There were over 30 comments on the post, all of which were of the like "Yeah! You rock!" or "Yeah, you’re totally right about how terrible it is to be ‘ordinary’, it's a good thing you have always been a true original ". It was a tad nauseating to see the group of cult worshippers this girl had amassed at her blog (I wish that many people read me, tho, haha... the most visitors I get around here never goes over 20 in a day).

Anyways, at the very end of the comment list was one from a girl called "La caminante" (The walker, or voyager), saying simply "To think that you're original is very ordinary". HA! I wanted to applaud her. Finally somebody realized how overly egomaniacal the post had been and how pompous and presumptuous the author was in saying those things. Good for her, I thought.

I then made a post myself saying how it was silly to label people who think differently than you and laugh at them. So you don’t like the mainstream… big deal! That doesn’t make you better than anyone! Thinking you’re better automatically makes you inferior, in my book. I also said how rebellious and big-headed little originals were just as annoying and narrow minded as the most common and boring ordinaries.

The author answered saying that we had misunderstood her post, that it was meant to be humorous, and not to be taken quite so literally. I think that she did have a point; but still, the joke was obviously born out of some feeling of superiority that is frankly quite stupid. Is it so hard to see that you’re becoming exactly what you criticize when you discriminate in such a way? How terribly ordinary, indeed. Stupid people who think they’re smart are dangerous…

… so death to all pseudo-intellectuals, I say!!!

A warning...

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

I just reserved a flight to and from Monterrey for Sep 15 - 18, Mexican Independence Day weekend. I had already planned a trip there on those dates a while back, but then I suddenly found out that there's a reunion of ex Cultural Department participants, COOL! So now I have more reason to go...

There are plenty of friends I want to see, talk to, eat with, go out with, come out to, etc, etc, etc... MTY here I come... YOU'VE BEEN WARNED!!!

P.S. I haven't paid for the flight yet... I plan to do that as soon as I ask permission at my job... =P

Cool song

I'm hearing this bitchin' song by :::... Natalia Lafourcade..:::. She sang a song in a tribute to a Mexican band called Intocable (which I detest, btw). The new version of ¿Y todo para qué? just rocks! Who knew cheap music could be turned into something so refreshingly cool?

Emoticon regulation

Ok, the use of those damn animated emoticons is getting WAY out of hand. Their distribution and use should be much more limited... legislation should be put in place to severely regulate them. There are too many people who just overuse them, BIG TIME! There is nothing more annoying than reading a message where half the information is displayed in little moving pictures. Give me a break!

Halt, I say! In the name of sanity and good taste!!!

Germy has spoken...

Word of the day

Monday, July 25, 2005

Idempotent.

The reference has a mathematical definition in it, and it made me remember my days in College engineering math courses...*sigh*

Germy takes on...

Sunday, July 24, 2005

... abortion!

Yes, I decided to take on a much less raunchy but no less controversial subject this week. Abortion. I was inspired by a comment Serge made a little while back, it got me thinking about what an explosive issue this can be. Let's define the subject first: it's eliminating a pregnancy. Plain and simple. Anything before is safe sex or using contraceptives... anything after is infanticide. Pregnancy starts when the one lucky sperm enters the egg (or ovum, if you have credentials) and does "its thing". ‘Nuff said.

First of all, let's be honest, this is mainly a woman's subject. I hate the fact that men have a lot of opinions about this and they feel they know the best for a woman. This is an issue the concerns women ONLY. If men don’t want women to have abortions, then DON´T get the pregnant! DUH! When the damage is done, it is basically out of your hands buddies. That’s life. That’s how nature chose it. You have no right telling a woman what to do with her body. Men should only be involved in passing laws based on what WOMEN think is best to do. That's it.

Now, excuse me while I ignore what I just said and continue with my rant… haha.

Abortion is illegal in Mexico as far as I understand it. This, I think, is a travesty. In my opinion, a woman has every right to do with her body whatever she pleases, and for about 9 months that fetus is part of her body, she feeds it, guards it, protects it, nurtures it; no one else has a right to tell her what to do with it. What if a woman eats really badly during her pregnancy? What if she is doing lots of hard labor while she's pregnant? What if she looses the baby due to something that is her fault? Will she be arrested for child endangerment? COME ON! Of course not! Because there is no child!

That whole “fetus rights” thing I believe is a bunch of bullshit, but I'll deal with it anyways. Apparently, some people think that this whole issue stems from when exactly one considers a fetus to be alive. Ok, it's not altogether unreasonable to assume that once the single egg cell starts multiplying and growing, it's alive. Biologically, yes. Dead things tend not to do this. Alive things do. THAT'S NOT THE POINT. The point is that it's INSIDE the woman's body. It's PART OF her body. If a woman decides to chop off her arm, THAT'S HER RIGHT! It's HER arm. Same goes with the kid. If she decides to have it taken out of her, it will die. That's how nature intended. Whatever blood is spilled, it's HER blood. Whatever food and energy was used to make it grow was HERS anyways. It's simple and logical reasoning.

I'm sick of right-wing zealots wanting to tell people how to act and what do to in the privacy of their own homes, beds and bodies. Ok, I believe that things like murder should be regulated and forbidden, no matter where they take place. And I understand that abortion is murder to them (and in a way, it kind of is). But property is nine-tenths of the law, honey. If it's YOURS, you can do whatever you want to it. Once a baby is born and breathing and eating by itself (well, sort of), it's protected by the Human Rights declarations and such. Before, it's like an organ, like liver or a spleen... if you drink too much and kill it, nobody sends you to jail.

You know, I don't want to sound completely heartless here, so I'll play Devil's advocate. Sort of. Another thing I hate about religious-right mongrels is that they assume women will have abortions like they have pedicures. I mean, seriously, this assumption is disrespectful to women everywhere. An abortion is a violent and traumatic experience. I cannot even begin to imagine what it must be like. Spreading open your legs and having a fetus plucked from your insides. GEEZ. How can anyone want to go through this? Give me a break!

There are many different types of abortion (If you want the really nasty version, here is a pro-life site). There are medical abortions (done with drugs and only available up to 9 weeks after conception) and surgical abortions, where the doctor actually goes in. All of them are at least a little cringe-worthy and, basically, involve killing something that is technically alive inside you. This is not something anybody would want done to them. But then again, that's just MY opinion, and what the hell do I know??? How can I know what a woman feels and what her decision is based on? I don't! That's why it should be HER choice.

I think prohibiting abortion (like in Mexico) is tackling the problem in the completely wrong way. It's trying to solve the consequence of the problem, not the problem itself. Sure, prohibit abortion and what you get is more illegal abortions, not less abortions. PLEASE. What you need is to better educate young ones about contraception. Plain and simple. I'm a firm believer that ignorance and fear is no way to educate people. You have to inform them and make sure they know the consequences and the pre-emptive measures. What do you think is more viable? Keeping teenagers from experimenting with sex or teaching them about protecting themselves assuming they're gonna fool around anyway. I know what quick-to-judge and morally-hypocritical prudes would choose... and I know what practical and even minded people would choose. Which one are YOU?

"Oops... we killed the wrong guy"

Saturday, July 23, 2005

Oh my god. This is absolutely horrifying. The London police killed THE WRONG GUY in a tube station. Jesus Christ. He was a 27 yr old Brazillian . I knew a LOT of Brazillians while I was there, they must all be scared shitless now. They obviously thought he was an Arab.

All the Muslim community must be pretty scared now also. The white men are trigger-happy. Is social chaos what the terrorists intended? In any case, it's plenty terrifying. I hope they think it was worth it.

Last weekend

Ok, like I mentioned, last weekend was quite full of activity. Among the things I did was hit on a girl that went along with the girlfriend of one of my roomies. We danced around, sat together at dinner, but she didn't take the bait and that was that. Turns out she knew I was gay all along and was kind of freaked out by my attentions. Oops...

Now my office mate is going out with her. Ok, can anyone say AWKWARD!!!

Ode to creating

Friday, July 22, 2005

After not finding the right time to write and having good ideas come and go at chaotic intervals, I decided to make a small poem dedicated to that seemingly mysterious practice we all do once in a while: creating.

When does one find time to create?
Are there 'nough hours in the day?
What if you want to go and pray?
what if rains all night (it may)
and how 'bout times for shouting "yeay!"
while splashing lightly in the bay?
will time be handed on a tray?
You'll have to give some up, I say,
but why should duties have to pay?
You cannot leave them just at bay,
and how 'bout time left just to play?
I do not know if I can say
it's really more just left to fate
to show when it's time to create.

Will inspiration always come?
What if there's none?
are you then done?
fried in the sun?
like in a shun?
or a bad pun.
That won't be fun.
Will it just run?
Weigh like a ton?
Or like a bun?
Loud like a gun?
Or like a nun?
Or like a Hun?
When will you know it's begun?
It might come soon or might come late,
that special moment to create...

It could arrive in any place,
while in chase,
on a case,
packed in lace
about face,
on a bus, on a bench,
in a car, in a trench.
Walking slowly 'cross the street,
looking downward at your feet;
in a town, on a strand,
on the pavement, on the sand.
It comes with lightning fast precision,
or sometimes as a hazy vision.
Catch it quick, it won't last long,
wait a moment: now it's gone.

Why use a pen, Why do we write?
(it seems so fickle, seems so trite)
Why take a brush, why do we paint?
(it seems so boring, seems so quaint)
Why tackle notes, why do we sing?
(it seems so silly, has no ring)
Why make a film? why make a sculpture?
(it seems like more fun reading pulp, sure)

Don't waste time with silly queries,
there's no point, don't squish your berries.
The truth to you will be forbidden,
creating's nature is to stay hidden,
and pop out quickly when it may.
I guess that's all I have to say
about that nitty gritty,
pale and pretty,
(sometimes shitty).
crass and witty,
undeniable
(yet quite viable),
huge and scary,
dark (yes, very),
extraordinary,
hard to carry,
neat,
complete,
devilishly sweet,
pompous, brilliant and kindly trait:
that eternal need to create.

Next up... an ode to fucking hard work! Haha, which usually accompanies any flicker of inspiration, however brief it may be.

Secretary Germy

Ok, I got shmoozed into signing up as the fill-in for Secretary of the Committee that
heads the AIDS organization I'm helping out. It reminded me of when I was in college. Every semester after a week or two I'd always get into so many activities that my head would be spinning! Folkloric dancing rehearsals, organizing events, coordinating an anti-drug program, teaching kids in rural areas, other dance classes... whoa, it kinda sounds like a lot now, but back then I was hungry for more... but could barely keep up the pace.

I remember I always hated having too much free time on my hands. I felt like I was wasting my life or something, haha. Anyways, that's how I feel here sometimes. I don't feel I'm doing anything productive, so I sign up for stuff. I like the responsibility and the fact that I can use my very many many many talents for good (instead of evil, as I usually do) is a great motivator, haha. =P

Also, this is part of my secret plan to change the world... one little beach town at a time...

Psst, psst...

Thursday, July 21, 2005

If you're bored at work and want to de-stress by seeing tons of pictures of hot famous guys in a non-porn site, check out this little gem: Perfect People. Enjoy...

Movies, movies

I saw some action flicks this past week... and I was pretty much disappointed. Sort of.

First I saw Fantastic 4. Ok, this was pretty lame. When you start getting bored during an action movie, I think it's a pretty good sign the film sucks. But, in all honesty, I have to say I was satisfied because one of the major reasons I went to see it was because of the gorgeous guy playing the Human Torch (Chris Evans). What a hunk! He has a beautiful face and an incredible body. And since he lights up quite a few times, he obviously burns off all his clothing and is left butt-naked like 3 times! Oh my! Well worth the price of admission (which was just over $3.5 USD; haha).

Yesterday I dragged my offciemate to see War of the Worlds. Sure, I had heard mixed reviews, but I'm a total sucker for disaster/end-of-the-world/special-FX extravaganzas. I saw the original movie a while ago and I remember it being quite good, making a lot of emphasis on the human side of the story, how people actually deal with the invasion and the despair it ensues. This shiny new remake was, well, serviceable... and not much else. I mean the effects were quite spectacular, no complaints there. The story, as mysterious and concise as ever. Still, there was just no real zing to it. I left the theater and immediately forgot about it. Completely. I remembered thanks to my ticket stub and to the fact that I wanted Dakota Fanning to just be killed. My office mate said that I was being a total asshole for wanting the death of a (VERY) impressionable young child. I said "Well, it would sure be original and daring for the movie to go and kill the screaming annoying little girl". But alas, it was not to be. Opportunity lost.

UPDATE: OMG! I can't believe I forgot to mention an incredibly hot plus to seeing Fantastic 4... Julian McMahon! This guy is also on the show Nip/Tuck (a really well written show, btw, and he's a total babe!) and he is just SO much more hot being an evil villain!!! ;-)

Uh oh

I think the terrorists have finally figured it out... cause chaos and fear for more than one day, and people might actually start worrying.

From another time...

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Continuing with R&H week here at the germy Show...

What's the use of wond'ring
If he's good or if he's bad,
Or if you like the way he wears his hat?
Oh, what's the use of wond'ring
If he's good or if he's bad?
He's your feller and you love him,
That's all there is to that.

Ok, Rodgers and Hammerstein are definitely no longer considered politically correct. Still, these lyrics (from Julie Jordan's tragic second act aria in Carousel, What's the use of wond'ring) evoke emotions so strong that they pass as improbable today. Indeed, what a world...

Enhorabuena

I went to a wedding in Guadalajara last year. It was for one of my second cousins, so as you can imagine the fact that I was going meant that a lot of other family members were also attending, haha. It was a lot of fun and I got to know another part of my extended family.

Anyways, I just heard that this cousin is having a baby! Cool! His sister sent out the email and everybody responded immediately with best wishes and many congrats. That's something I really like about this country, how life is celebrated and rejoiced. I can only wonder when my own brother will get married and I can get a chance to make an announcement like this...

... and how probably he'll never get the chance to make one for me. :-(

Waltz time...

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

The "Carousel Waltz" from Rodgers and Hammerstein's Carousel is exquisitely beautiful. 'Nuff said...

UPDATE: Forget that. The whole damn score is amazing.

Stories from the weekend

Monday, July 18, 2005

Whoa, that was a pretty "interesting" weekend, haha. Let me elaborate...

First off, on Saturday afternoon, we went to this bar that is literally around the corner from our apartment and got wasted even before the trip began, haha. Then we the journey really began: we headed by car to this remote mountain town called San Sebastián (the driver did not participate in the "getting wasted", ok?).

The town is in the hills of the Sierra Madre Occidental and is about 1.5 hrs from Vallarta. The mountain views you get on the way there are breathtaking, everything is so green (it's rain season now) and the clouds touch the hill tops. Actually, the town was so high up we actually drove into the clouds, which was amazing, and kind of scary, haha.

This misty atmosphere brought us into this small village with paved narrow roads and old-style hacienda houses. The town has been remarkably conserved in its original architecture and it looks beautiful. I have to admit that it was a little spooky having buildings and people seemingly appear out of the fog as you approached, but it added to the mystique...

My boss invited a bunch of people and we all stayed at the "nicest hotel in town" (which was $30 USD a night, haha). It faced the town plaza and it was actually really pretty: and old abbey with gardens, a restaurant, a bar and about a dozen rooms. It was pretty much ours for the weekend. Oh, another detail, the abbey was also used as a defensive fort during the Cristero War in the 1920's. More on that later.

We were told we had been given the "haunted room", where a ghost supposedly had appeared some time before. Fantastic. My boss' girlfriend said she saw someone who had asked for a room at the place, and when he was told it was "the one in the back" he asked "the one with the ghost?", the girl at the counter nodded and he quickly left without asking any more questions. Yikes.

After settling into our rooms we all got together in the courtyard and had some drinks. Then it was off to dinner, and my boss reserved this quaint little restaurant also facing the plaza and they shut down in order to serve all of us (around 20 or so). Dinner was fantastic (I had some chicken with tamarind sauce that was incredible!), the company was fun and I even flirted around with a chick, ha!

After that it was back to the hotel to drink some more and to play "Family Feud"; haha. Then we started telling ghost stories. Man, that was SOOOOO cool. The Cristero War privided a perfect setting. There were some old storage rooms in the abbey that looked very creepy (and perfect for staking bodies), and there were also the hand-made slits were the religious fanatics would poke out their riffles and shoot at the invading federals. I quoted a few passages from Pedro Páramo and happily scared the shit out of a few people, haha. It was just to damn easy: you had vengeful Christians, lots of bloodshed, a sleepy little town hidden by the mist in a far off mountain. It was hard not to be spooked, really.

The next day we all got up (were woken up, rather) at noon and with a monster hangover ate some great chilaquiles and went to see this old silver mine near town. The mine was old and creepy and we saw a few bats that scared the crap out of us, haha. On the way back to Vallarta I was so tired that even after I found a note on my door telling me I had been missed, I was just too pooped to go out again.

Ajúa!

I'm off

Saturday, July 16, 2005

It's my boss' B-day, so we're all off to a remote mountain town to have a huge dinner, drink like crazy and spend the night. Wow-wee. This definitely will be intersting, if not anything else, haha.

As Serge would say, keep an eye on the place while I'm gone, k'? ;-)

Messed-up shit

Ok, I've heard some messed-up shit in my life, but this really does go WAY up there!

Apparently, a top aide of Senator Risk Santorum is gay. Yes, that's the same Senator Santorum who equated homosexuality with polygamy, incest and adultery. A MAJOR asshole. Anyways, apparently he has a gay staff member. And he knows it. And he continues to say these hateful things no God would approve of. The worst part of course is the fact that the fucking aide still works for him and, this is just rich, he supports him. Jesus Christ, what the fuck are you doing?!?!?! You're disgusting! You have absolutely no decency and no shame... and above all, no self-respect. How sad.

The person who did the outting? Reporter Michael Rogers. He's got some rather extreme tactics and has been criticized for outting republican senators and other conservative public figures. In the first link I provided, near the bottom of the article, you can read a precious story about a conservative Senator who actually dropped out of an election race because he was outted by Rogers... and there's even a snippet from his online dating ad at a Gay webste. Oooohhh, THAT's embarrasing... HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Ok, call me crazy, but is it so "extreme" to call these assholes on their own bullshit??? I salute him for exposing moral and religous hypocrites for what they are... moral and religious hypocrites ! He's da-bomb! Go, Michael! Go, Micheal!

(Short) Short story

Friday, July 15, 2005

Petronio de la Huerta Madero was an avid television viewer. In fact, his habits could easily be deemed obsessive. Every day he'd sit on his bed and watch TV in his room. When he opened his eyes in the morning, the first thing he looked for was the remote control.

He'd have breakfast watching the morning cartoons, he'd eat lunch watching the midday news break, he'd talk on the phone seeing the first afternoon soap opera, he'd have a snack seeing the evening news; he'd have dinner with a variety show, he'd do homework seeing a crime drama at night. On school days, when he got home he'd go straight to his room. When his mother arrived from work, she'd know he was OK by the sound of the television from upstairs.

He always ate his meals on a tray sitting on his bed, so his mother always had to make trips to the second floor to tend to her son, and then come back to the kitchen and eat alone. His only verbal feedback was an occasional "thanks" said in a monotone and lazy voice whilst keeping his eyes glued to the screen. "You'll dry your eyes out" she would sometimes mumble, but the wall probably took in the words with more precaution.

They never went out or even really talked anymore. Petronio's full attention was devoted to the artificially funny game show hosts, the dangerous low-lifes in the news, the artificially beautiful soap opera actresses, the tough cops with big hearts on the police dramas, the rebellious teenagers in the afternoon shows, the goofy fathers who always screwed up but made good in the end. It's not that he didn't love his mother, it's just that there wasn't enough time for everybody. So something had to give. And it finally did.

One dark and fateful day his television deteriorated so much from excessive use that the cathode ray tube began to leak deadly ionizing radiation. Unfortunately, that day they were showing an all night marathon of every single movie trilogy ever made (the uncensored Director's cut and in extended version ); so poor Petronio spent all night in front of his TV set, unbeknownst that it was slowly ripping the life out of him.

The next morning, when his mother came in to give him his breakfast, she found him dead, with his eyes wide open and his pupils burned right through from the leaked radiation. Unfortunately, accustomed to his inattentiveness to her, she placed his breakfast on his bed and left the room. It wasn't until lunch, when he left his food untouched (and his body actually began to smell), that she noticed he had perished.

Damn bugs

After battling a particularly weird and tough problem for a long time, when you finally triumph, it feels grand, the accomplishment is awesome.

But when you realize that all the difficulty was because of a very stupid mistake of YOURS.... well... the triumph isn't as sweet.

Little Shop

I'm listening to the original broadway cast of "Little shop of horrors". What a score...

"Suddenly Seeeeeeeeeymore!!!!"

Moolah

Why does EVERYONE wnat to know how much money you make?!?!?! I think it's in bad tatse to go around asking about other people's finances... amd I the only one who thinks this?!?!! GEEZ!

Right now I'm one of the top earners here (or so I think), and I don't think it's prudent go on telling everyone you make more money than them. Conversely, last year when I was a Jr. Developer I was at the bottom of the food chain in a very large company, and I also thought it was not prudent to go around asking because I was just going to get depressed! Hahaha.

Anyways, I think people shouldn't go around telling other people how much they earn. Or for people to go around asking. It's just not proper. 'Nuff said...

Me and my office mate have stopped talking to each other for work related matters, we just send IM messages to a fro. Human interaction? A thing of the past...

What a world...

Hee hee

Thursday, July 14, 2005

The new developer asked me about some database problem, and I made a very reasonable suggestion (if I do say so myself), and all he said was "Oh... yeah... ummm, I think I'll go ask our boss about that, you know, just in case". To which I said "Cool (FATTIE!)".

Anyways, when he came over here and asked my boss, he told him the exact same thing. I had my headphones on, but made sure to listen intently and upon hearing this, I made a silent smirk of satisfaction... hee hee >=)

Dammit! The taco stand around the corner is closed for remodelling! Who the hell ever heard of a taco stand remodelling?!?! Curses, foiled again!

Talking with my boss yesterday, we found out he had taken some "Humanities" courses while in college; fyi, he studied CS.
He took Christology, (he went to a Jesuit university), then Cinema (which he loved), and finally Interpersonal Skills (which he almost flunked... OBVIOUSLY! haha). Me and my office mate were stunned to find out he had actually had formal training in Interpesonal Skills (People skills)... talk about money down the drain.

Will wonders never cease...

*cringe*

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

I'm designing the new web site for the AIDS organization here in town. Geez, this is a lot harder than I ever imagined. I have very limited (if any) designing skills, so I'm keeping it simple; very few colors, only one font (see, Psesito!), simple geometric shapes. I want to keep the tone formal and serious. The previous design was just laughable. I'm also going to launch the English language version, this with the hope of landing a grant from an International organization... keep your fingers crossed.

The old design had WAY too many options in the vertical menu. Sometimes the title didn't convey what the section was about (huh?) and then the titles seemed liek they were all talking about the same thing. I've made the site menu horizontal and reduced the menu options. This leaves a lot more free space on the page for info and and for secondary navigation (which will be needed becasue I condensed some sections of the site).

I'm going to have to pressure the coordinator to create some additional copy for some revamped sections and for some new ones also. From what I've seen, he doesn't really like to, you know, work. Sheesh. Good thing I love a challenge... sometimes.

Starting here, starting now...

Ok, from this day onward I am no longer just an extremely handsome and witty developer.... no, sir... as of today I will use all my talents in web usability and programming to defend our customers from the clutches of our evil sales and marketing people, from our lame customer service trolls and from my malignant boss! Today I become User-Centered-Germy! I am a usability guru, hear me ROAR!!!

My office mate brought his cute little Mac mini to the office and he tried using it for his normal design work. He didn't bring the keyboard, only the mouse, so "oops", since the damn thing only has USB ports, none of the keyboards here fit into it, haha. Now all he does is use it to play songs, so we call it his $500 USD iPod. =P

Whenever I don't bring some fruit I usually go to a small house behind my office and order a carrot and orange juice. Yum. They sell them out the front door, they just put a table and a juicer out front, haha. Anyways, another incentive is the guy who lives there. He has really nice legs and since he's always in shorts, it's quite a treat, haha. And sometimes, like today, I call into the house ("Buenos días???") and wake him up, and he comes into his living room while he's putting on his shirt and I get to see his tanned and strong chest, so smooth and tender. Double yum.

And all for $18 MXN... what a steal!

"Germy Rules!": Why do you have that stupid handle? Nobody is allowed to be happy in this office!!!

"I'm happy": Fuck off, I'm happy, deal with it! Why does everybody have a problem with my damn handle?

"Germy Rules!": Because it's just not normal !

"I'm happy": Ok, those are YOUR issues!

"Germy Rules!": Oh, I get it... you mean you're gay.

"I'm happy": What?

"Germy Rules!": Yeah, happy=gay.

"I'm happy": NO!

"Germy Rules!": You got a fucking problem with gay people, chump?!?!?!

"I'm happy": Well, no, I mean.... arrrggghhh!

"Germy Rules!": Actually, thinking about it, I feel really uncomfortable having a gay office mate. Would you please GET THE HELL OUT!

"I'm happy": You are seriously fucked up

"Germy Rules!": Buddy, you don't know the half of it...

OMG! This is sooo col. The new section for the site we launched last Friday already shows up on Google. One page shows up in third place, and another in FIRST! Alright!!!

Today, the internet; tomorrow... THE WOLRD!!! Muuaahahahahaha! >=)

UPDATE: About 2 seconds after I posted this, our main Internet link went down. Once again, God has given judgement... and he wants Germy to be more humble...

There's a new developer here and, well, he's a normal developer, which mean he couldn't write if his life depended on it. I'm not saying I'm a walking grammatical reference, but his mistakes are just so blatant and so common it actually hurts me to read his IM messages.... *cringe*

I danced with two different guys this weekend, on separate occasions. And yesterday they both texted me at the exact same time, haha.

Oh yeah, Germy's still got it...

...now what the hell do I do with it?

Rhetorical question of the day

Why is love so easy to give, and so hard to receive?


-James Lapine

You know, we have this weird custom at work. Everytime there is a birthday or someone leaves, they buy a cake (or two) and we meet in the main administrative officed and eat and are mean to "celebrate" or whatever. Anyways, what usually happens is that the professionals gather, sometimes they don't even say hi to the bisthday girl or boy or the person whos' leaving, wait for theiur cake and chat only amongst themselves afterwards. The other administrative personnel and the kids who tend the Internet Café in front of the building kind of get along well, so at least they always seem cheerful. What a crock, haha.

P.S. I really gotta stop eating so much cake, the old belly is just growing, and growing and growing... or maybe I'll just tell them to stop celebrating... or maybe not to invite me... or maybe I should just get some will power.

Germy takes on ...

...PORN!

Ok, this is a touchy subject in the sense that even though pornography was by far the earliest business to make it big on the internet and has been around pretty much since human beings invented media, it's something that is not very acceptable to talk about (like sex in general). It's considered vile, perverted, vulgar, disgusting and just plain nasty. Germy thinks otherwise.

By porn I'm talking about images and videos, which pretty much make up the whole spectrum of pornographic media available. I think pics are great... I think video is BETTER! hahaha. Hell, even pornographic literature is a hoot! There are plenty or varieties, for EVERYONE, but I'm not even going to go into all the different styles or types or fetishes (that's definitely material for another post), so I'll just limit the scope to media dealing with plain hardcore sex.

I for one LOVE porn. I honestly do. I don't think I'm addicted to it, I can go for days without seeing it and I'm fine. I really just appreciate it as a pleasurable experience for the eyes… and the rest of the senses, haha. Of course, there are many other people who do NOT like porn. And they have a lot of reasons, too.

Does porn denigrate women? Does it foster sexual violence? Does it create sex-mad horny freaks? Geez, these are toughies. I really don't think that the existence of porn denigrates any one particular group (like the existence of books or CD's denigrates anyone in particular, either). The fact that many people choose to portray women in an unflattering light does not necessarily mean porn as a whole is to blame. I think that rather that says a lot about us in general, and it says nothing about the media itself. Guys are misogynistic; porn need not be.

About whether porn fosters sexual violence or creates addicts is also a tough question. Would there be less sexual violence without porn? If the alternative is a more repressed society that shuns porn, I think repression would create more sexual violence; people who couldn't vent their sexual desires/frustrations would be more likely to explode. If a healthy sexuality could be encouraged by society, I think the incidents involving sexual violence would be less, and maybe the need for porn would actually recede. Well, at least for non-single guys, haha.

And that's another thing... let's face it, porn is for GUYS mostly. I once read a study that said women did not respond that much when visually stimulated by porn. On the other hand, guys just ate it up (with their eyes). That's funny, you know, even though us gay guys have a lot abnormally developed feminine instincts, we're still very visual in our sexual arousal. We're still men, plain and simple. Haha.

Porn is not exactly hidden, it’s actually everywhere. You can find it in any street corner, in any magazine shop, on A LOT of internet sites, etc, etc, etc. I remember walking in my hometown one night and buying my first porn magazine. It was exhilarating! Of course I thought it was bad, but I did it and liked it just the same, haha. And modern advertising campaigns these days are so close to hardcore porn, it’s ridiculous!

Even though I think porn should not be shrouded in secrecy or demonized, I think children should be protected from it (and raunchy ad campaigns). Seeing sexually graphic images can certainly confuse young kids who are still getting the whole "birds and the bees" stuff. The point I think is to exercise a safe and honest sexuality, and then tackle "pleasurable media" without having it form negative stereotypes or unreal expectations.

That's yet another dilemma. Does porn create unrealistic ideals of what sex should be? If she's not screaming the whole time is it not good? If he doesn't cum three times and shoot his load half-way across the room, is he himself a wanker? This is why it's important for young people to NOT get their sex educating from porn. PLEASE! It's like getting your biology classes by watching Jurassic Park. Porn is for fun, it is NOT educational in ANY way. Parents, talk to your kids about sex, they're gonna find out anyway, might as well be from you; teachers, don't shy away from this subject either, you can probably take more than a few kids out of their confusion, avoid the propagation of negative sexual stereotypes and maybe even save/avoid a few pregnancies.

Should one feel guilty when seeing porn? Well, that really depends on how you view sex in general. If you think it's horrid, nasty original sin, then you probably won't like porn and will feel awful when seeing it. If you, like Germy, think sex and sexual urges are a normal part of being alive and healthy, then BRING IT ON!!! haha. Should other people know about you seeing porn? Well, like sex, I think it's a personal thing. If you want to share it, cool; if not, I think that's cool too. I don't go around yelling I see porn, but if someone brings it up I try not to shy away from it. I acknowledge my love; love is not a bad thing, it's always good. ;-)

Wochenende

Sunday, July 10, 2005

Here is a quick recap of my interesting weekend:

-My gringa friend and me went salsa dancing, it was actually pretty cool. She wasn't half bad for her first time, and as always, Germy was not too bad himself, ;-)

-I went to Carlos O'brien's... MAN! I LOVE the music at that place! It's so varied, you get your hip-hop, pop remix, rock, Spanish rock, horny tropical-style tunes... the perfect evening! Why can't gay bars have music this cool?!?!?! And it was so much fun to just go and dance, without hooking up, without being hooked up; just dancing the night away...

-We went to this little town near Vallarta called Sayulita. WOW! What a great time. My gringa friend took her new hippie buddy (a girl who just got here) and we were talking, boozing and enjoying the warm water and the beatiful sunset. Good times, good times. And in our alcoholic daze we almost missed the last bus back to Vallarta, oops... haha. And, ok, boy and girls, what happens when you drink for 2+ hours (during happy hour, of all times!), you want to go to the fucking bathroom! BIG TIME! It was excrutiating to hold it in on the bus (we almost missed it, so we just ran for it). Anyways, when we made a stop which was half-way, I decided it just wasn't gonna happen and asked my gringa friend if she had a bottle. She said "Umm... no". I said "Ok, we're getting off, this is so not going to work, I'm gonna piss myself... I'll pay your extra bus fares, let's just get off now, PLEASE!", hahaha. They were both also itchin' to go, so it was a good call. We got to Vallarta a lot later, but we at least got see Bucerías, another beach town, haha.

-R, my roommate who recently left the company, has apparently decided to not speak to me. Geez, THAT's mature!

-My office mate's gay buddy came over and even though I judged him to be "screwable", once I heard him talking, I retracted. Haha, ok, not innemdiatly. He came to the office and he was ok, but later we met up to go out and they were both already tipsy and this guy was a REALLY annoying drunk so he was coming on to me and I was like "In your alcohol-induced dreams, buddy". He later texted me all night and I had to turn off my cell phone. Sure, Germy LOVES the attention, but it was still annoying.

-The guy I met last week, H (the guy with the car), had not called me since Wednesday, VERY BAD. It was Saturday so we all went over to the resident gay bar. And I saw H there too!!! ASSHOLE! He took my arm and said "Hey there!" and I was very friendly and answered "Hi... bye!"; and walked away. What a bum... I later saw him talking with some people and just got realy mad!!! JERK!

-I sooooo said I would publish my porn essay on Friday, but with the emotional distress caused by the London blasts, the new release at work and my packed weekend, I totally missed my deadline... but it will so be here next Friday!

-I met another guy, hee hee. But I think I'll keep him to myself this time; I think this whole blog thing is jinxing my relationships, haha. Anyways, meeting 3 guys in 4 weeks is pushing my "non-slut" status towards "slut", hahaha.

A curse on all their houses

Friday, July 08, 2005

Suddnely, you have europeans asking who's next after the London blast. Meaning, the European allies of the US-lead Coalition in Iraq. Well, I think people are finally realizing what WAR really is. It's not sending troops off to some foreign land and just watching the destruction on the news and thnking "Whoa, that looks bad, oh how sad" and going back to eat.

That is not war.

War is fear and anger and sorrow and death and chaos and blood.

And they apparently didn't realize it until it hit home. This is probably just a taste of what the Iraqi people faced for months. I hope all those "war" supporters will be wiser next time. But it's too late now; a curse has befallen their houses, and they're just waiting for their number to come up. Welcome to war.

Conversation between Germy and M, my office mate

Thursday, July 07, 2005

M: Hey, my gay buddy just called, he said he's at the bus station.

GERMY: Oh, cool. Is he cute?

M: You've asked that like ten times now! I already sent you his picture!

G: Oh, yeah... he's not too impressive... but I'd totally do him.

M: Slut.

G: Hey, Germy is a non-slut, an anti-slut, the opposite of slut.

M: "Sure". Anyways, you're already going out with a guy, so there's really no point in us discussing this, is there?

G: Oh, please, as if that is going to stop me. Haha... hahaha. hahahahahaha....hahahahahahaa...hahahaHAHAHAHAHAhahaha... hahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHA... HAHAHAHAHAHAHA...

M: Why are you laughing so hard?

G: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

M: Slut.

Geez! I hate it when people are lazy and then they act all innocent as if they had actually done their work (that they're being PAID for!)...and you have PROOF they didn't! AAARRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!

London

We went out to eat and a work colleage mentioned "Oh, did you hear, there were four blasts in London this morning". I don't know, it just didn't sink in. We ate; I was fine. We went for ice cream. Everything normal. The internet was down all morning at the offcie, so I hadn't even seen the news.

When I got to my place the inetrnet had come back and I decided to check Yahoo news. And I saw the pictures and the headlines everywhere. My heart stood still. It finally hit me, he could be in trouble. I saw the blast sites, they were too close for comfort. I tried calling his office, but it kept getting disconnected. I began to feel helpless and the desperation began to take control. I didn't hear others when the spoke to me and I forgot all my afternoon tasks. Jesus Christ, I was scared. My heart began to tighten up. I searched frantically through old emails for his cell number. FINALLY I found it and dialed. He answered. He was OK. And my heart could finally breath. We chatted a bit, his old razor-sharp wit and pitch-black humor we still intact, so everythign was fine.

I dont' know. If something had happened to him, a part of me would have died also. I had felt much more distant from him these past few months; but then all of a sudden those feelings came crashing back, like a rush of wind with a vengeance. He is still so very much a part of me it hurts to admit it. And he probably always will be.

That sorrow deep inside you? Well, it's inside me to, and it'll never go away. Someday, we'll learn how to lose things. But on that day I know I'll miss the sun and the stars and the moon... and our sweet little room.

Ok, he finally arrrived... bum. And now he's gone. Well, I still wanna get into his pants, haha. What a world...

Ok, he hasn't arrived AND he hasn't called.... ASSHOLE!!!

He's coming to pick me up, hee hee.
*sigh*

Coming this Friday, July 8th...

Germy takes on... porn!

You've been warned...

Quotes of the day

You shouldn't go around saying stuff like "I like him" or "I think he's cute". Please! You should be a man and say "I'm gonna fuck that jerk and leave him!"* GRRRRRR!!!


Advice from my office mate. Who says the opposite of a "man" is an "anti-man", not a homosexual, like is customary here in México. Awwww...

Yeah, I'd do him.


Me, after seeing a picture of the gay buddy of my office mate who's coming to visit him here in Vallarta tomorrow.


*(Literal trasnlation from "Me voy a echar al cabrón y lo voy a dejar!")

It's London

It's official, London will host the 2012 Olympic games. Truth be told, I was rooting for Paris, but I think London is also wonderful and should be quite a treat.

Now, it'll be until 2009 when they announce the host of the 2016 Olympics... and guess who's one of the candidate cities... hee hee.

Consequences unforseen

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Tid-bit of info I left out in my earlier post: while I was at the club, actually after being there like 2 min and going to get a beer, I bumped into the guy I "broke up" with, L. GEEZ!!! Don' I have all the luck! (wait, this gets better). Anyway, we said a shy and quick hello and parted ways. Afterwards, while I walking around the club with the new guy I picked up (H), uh-oh, I bumped into him again, and since I was holding hands with H, umm, it was a tad EXTREMELY awkward. Anyways, to my utter shock, H goes up and says "Hi" to L. YIKES! THEY KNOW EACH OTHER!!! I just stared in awe. I totally did not take my stare down for a second, that would have meant I felt guilty for meeting someone else, and I'm NOT. In a way I am sorry I don't have feelings for L, but on the other hand it's not something I think one should apologize for. Anyways, I said "Hi" to L also and after we walked off, the new guy asked me "What did that asshole tell you?" and I was like "Umm, nothing, we just said Hi"... and H asked me "You know him?"..."Uh-hu"...."From the club?"...."Umm, uh-hu"....then H gave me a mischievous smile that made me giggle and totally made me feel like a slut. Which I'm not. Really. Haha.

When I got home Sunday morning at 5:30am I obviously went to check email (I know, I'm sick). Anyways, as fucking fate would have it (that bitch) I received an email from my ex bf after many weeks of him being incommunicado. He bragged about his trip around New England promoting his company's new product and about spending a few days in NYC and seeing shows I'd wanted to see. And dropping a reference or two about missing me. Of course I miss him too. I'm not sure if he reads this blog or not. I once gave him the address, but, like so many other things I made, he was somewhat indifferent towards it. If he does read it... I don't write any of this to offend you. I'm just going on with my life. You've built your own life far away from me and I've decided to finally start doing the same. I foolishly tried to become a part of yours last year, and it was so hopelessly doomed to failure that neither of us took it very seriously. And I've realized that the one always crossing the Atlantic was me. Of course I still love you and think of you often (every day); but now I've tried to put away that awful love of mine and move my faith and affection into something new. You say I have it easy because I've already moved on. But you're a fool. You still haunt me, like you always did. My dreams, the day ones and night ones; my memories, fantasies and my thoughts. They all pay tribute to you, every single day. But who can hold on to a memory? Not me. And so life goes on. And I'm sorry.

He called me last night, hee hee. Ok, it was more like us texting each other for a while. Hee hee.

I like this feeling, waiting for him to call, being overly excited when he does... it's a giddiness chock-full of the wonder of discovery, the sweet torture of anticipation and the secret promise of the unknown. They should bottle this up and sell it. I'd call it elation.

Movin', movin', movin'...

4am

It's 4:08am and I'm at work, how cool is that??? ZERO! No, I didn't pull an all-nighter, I got up at 3:30am because my boss and me decided to come in (really!) early and change the database and web servers for the site we run. Seems the older servers have begun to give (more) trouble, so "there'll be some changes made". So far, my boss is a no-show.... sheesh.... some people, really..... haha.

Comments on the weekend

Monday, July 04, 2005

-This weekend I met up with a friend and his "significant other". My bud is trully a wonderful guy, one of a kind and always a joy to see and chat with. His companion on the other hand is, while not a disagreeable person in any way, distinctly "not-as-wonderful" in my opinion. But I suppose that's just paternal Germy looking out for his friends and jealously condemning their partners as "not good enough" (GEEZ, I'm becoming my mother). But I've arrived to the conclusion that sometimes love's nature is not to be understood. So, all I can do is observe and respect.

-I met a guy. Hee hee. I like him. Hee hee. We met at the club on Saturday
and went to the movies on Sunday, hee hee. We saw "Madagascar" (yikes, that
was pretty bad). Anyways, why do all the guys I meet look better when I'm
drunk and when we're in the dark?!?!?! This is totally me going into
slut-territory! Arrrgggghhhhhhh! I'd totally go out with him again, but
there are pros and cons...

Pro: He has a car, COOL.
Con: He works Sunday mornings, yikes.

Pro: He's big and tall.
Con: He speaks kind of slowly. It can get annoying. Reminds me of the bf of a girl buddy of mine; man, we used to laugh at her so much... now every time he speaks he reminds me of that guy... arrggghh.

Pro: He has his own house. Very cool (private places are fantastic for doing private things).
Con: It's at the edge of town (granted, this is a small city, but still...)

Pro: I want to get into his pants, big time.
Con: After talking with him a little while, I realized he's not that interesting a person. Arrgghhh.

Pro: I want to get into his pants.
Con: ....

Pro: I want to do naughty things to him... and get into his pants.

Ok, more pros than cons.... that was an easy decision, haha. Now all he has to do is call...

My boss is interviewing a guy for a developer position. He asked me to give him a few questions just to see how he was doing in the techie department... man, I think I was BRUTAL. Wow, it was exhilarating! hahaha.

I could have danced all night,
I could have danced all night.
And still have begged for more.
I could have spread my wings,
And done a thousand things
I've never done before.
I'll never know
What made it so
exciting.
Why all at once
my heart took flight.
I only know when he
Began to dance with me
I could have danced, danced, danced
All night!

-Alan Jay Lerner

Wow. Ok, maybe I couldn't have danced all night, but it was sure tempting. The best part??? HE HAS A CAR!!! How cool is that?!?!?! Hee hee hee...

Last night I went bar-hopping with my ex-work-colleague-but-still-roomie and some other guys. I'm now pretty certain I don't really like beer, but if you mix it up in a delicious michelada, oh man! It's just too good to pass up! haha.

Anyways, afterwards on my way back home I went along the malecón and decided to walk on the sand. Wow, the sea seems very scary to me at night.

It just seems so dark, so black; you just hear the sound of the water moving and then you suddenly see the waves coming out of nowhere. Scary. Nonetheless, it's incredibly thrilling to stand at the edge of the sea at night, its waters beckoning. Standing at the mouth of so much darkness makes me feel like I'm in outer space. It's terrifying and exciting. Why is the sea so enthralling? Maybe it's because that's where we came from and where we know we're eternally tied to, like a past life calling out our name. And mixed up with an overpowering sense of danger; my, it's almost too much to resist.

Now, about the sand I spread all over the apartment... sheesh...

...ok, and some not so little details also pop-up... sheesh...

Why do all the little details suddenly present themselves in tsunami-like proportions right when you're about to go live?!?!?! ARRRGGHHHH!!!

'tis another day at work...

Shi mian mai fu

Shi mian mai fu is the original Chinese title of House of Flying Daggers (the title in Chinese means "Ambushed From Ten Directions"). I went with my boss and his girlfriend to see it. No, I wasn't gonna let those lazy Vallartans take this one away from me! ha!

Well, the movie is entertaining and visually stunning. The actions scenes are perfectly coreographed and the shots are masterfully put together (those colors are wild! Cool!). The story is quite interesting, even if it does get off to a slow start. Still, it's not as good as "Crouching tiger, hidden dragon"...

You know, what I LOVE about these modern epic martial arts films is that they can be as cheesily romantic and physycally unreal as they want and you still take it all in, no questions asked. Actually, not all of it. There is one moment at the end of this film were you actually go "OH, COME ON!"; so that's actually a big flaw. But still, the almost fantasy-like atmosphere created by these incredibly skilled directors is worth the ticket price in itself. Now I wanna see Hero.

Uh-oh

Oh man. I saw him today. Wow. It's been over 7 years. Geez. Time flies. I never thought I'd get over him. I think I am, but still, it was somewhat overwhelming to have seen him after so much time. And he's just as I remember him, beautiful. It was only a picture, a digital impression of him. But it brought back a torrent of memories that seemed to be an ocean away. First love (or infatuation?). We never really said anything, but we both knew. A friend confirmed to me he was gay last January. I knew it. I think he kew it too. He broke my heart, the very first one to do it. I remember I felt so bad I couldn't even eat. Shit. Emotional purity stinks. And he's a doctor now, neat. How times flies... and the heart is slow to learn...