The silent roommate

Sunday, July 31, 2005

Yes, as I've mentioned before, there has been some tension here at my apartment. Me and R are still not talking. Sounds silly, doesn’t it? It’s actually a long story… so here goes…

First, when I got here and before he was my roommate, R sort of had a crush on me, I think. I might have been my fear of persecution, but in any case I sort of brought it upon myself because when I got here he was the only other gay guy I knew and so I tried to hang out with him a lot. I obviously sent him the wrong message and he then started looking for me a lot, sending suggestive but ambiguous IM's in the process. I kind of laid low for a while and it sort of blew over... or so I thought.

Things started out bad when I spent the night over at some other guy's house. He made a few surprised comments to me, sort of to provoke me, and I obviously paid him no heed. I then found out he had been telling people at the office and even though I was a bit annoyed, I did nothing. Then I found out that even my fucking boss knew, so I voiced my disapproval to him. He denied telling my boss and said that he had only told one person; he complained that I was overreacting and he was quite defensive about it. The friction had begun.

Things pretty much came crashing down when all of a sudden he left the company without even saying "g'bye". Things at the magazine (where he worked) had been going to hell for a while. The editor was just way too disorganized and lazy, and she ended up making everyone stay late whenever they had a deadline. So he just up and left one evening and the next day reported to work at another company. My boss took it rather badly; he was just baffled, he had thought he had a good relationship with R and he thought there was mutual respect and a certain degree of trust. R's vanishing pretty much disproved that. He kept R’s paycheck in his drawer and sent word to him saying that he would have to pick it up from him personally, so to at least get a chance to speak to him once. As of this writing, R has yet to pick up his check... geez...

I was pretty bummed about what he had done, so the day after he quit, I got home in a bad mood because my boss had been moody all day also (yeah, great strategy, an employee leaves so let's be grouchy to everyone! Sheesh...). Here I think I made another mistake... I openly told R he had been a jerk for just up and leaving. I told him I respected his reasons (the nasty work environment and disorganized management), but that just disappearing had been really immature and even cowardly. Oops. Needles to say, R took this rather badly, he threw a few excuses around and I decided not to press him. What was the use? But I fear the damage was done.

A day or two later, we were all at the local bar (it's right around the corner, literally, haha) and getting shit-faced when R started ranting about what a crappy company ours was and that he was quite happy to have left, pretty much inferring that we were a bunch of fools to have stayed behind. I was not in a mood to be insulted (and I actually LIKE where I work), and since none of the other employees were saying anything (cowards!) I decided to call him on his bullshit... and it got ugly. R has never been one to debate with, really. He has a pretty big mouth and says things like they were law, and whenever someone questions him, he dismisses him instantly and gets sort of aggressive. Well, I wasn't gonna get dismissed easily. So the discussion almost erupted into a yelling match. It culminated with R getting up all angry and drunk and staggering to the bathroom. When he came back, we all pretended nothing had happened and that was that. Or so I thought.

The next time I spoke to R, it was just a simple "Hi", I was met with intent silence. I was all like "Huh? Did he not hear me? Is he not talking to me now? OH, COME ON! What is this? A punishment? PLEASE! It's not like talking to you was ever really that rewarding, bubby". It was quite weird, really. So we were like that for a few days and I made a comment to my gringa friend, and that very evening she came over and had a conversation with R and me. It was pretty casual, but she got him and me to participate. When she left I even asked him how his night out had been, and he answered in a timely and well-mannered way. Yay! things were all good again. Or so I thought.

A few days later, again, I just said a casual "Hi" to R, and was met with silence again. Ok, that was it. I really do not have any problem NOT speaking to R, what I HATE is not knowing if we're on speaking terms or not. Give me a break! It's quite rude and immature not to answer people when they fucking talk to you! Anyways, I got the feeling he wanted me to get angry and say something to him... so I didn't. I just went about my way and ignored him right back. What a world... asshole.

One time he got drunk and started throwing indirect (verbal) jabs at me. I knew better now than to argue with a drunk R, but it totally annoyed the FUCKING HELL out of me. After that, I was determined to not speak to him again in a good while.

Since then I've found out a few things I didn't know about R's new job. I got news that he's earning nearly HALF of his old salary and also has to take a 1hr bus ride (one way) starting at 8am to and from his new job (he used to get it at 9am and had a daily commute of about 5min); he only gets half an hour to eat (versus 2 hrs here) and has to work MORE hours (excluding the 2 hr commute). Also, his main reason for quitting, our lazy and disorganized editor, also quit when she heard he had left. Upon hearing this, R reportedly said "Fuck, if I'd known that, I wouldn't have quit". Sheesh... life's a bitch, ain't it?

I think I've judged my silent roomie a little too harshly. He seems to be mad at the world right now, even his close friends have noticed it. His angry vibe seems to be projecting itself in all directions. He had always boasted about how fearless and “I-don’t-give-a-shit” he was, but his leaving in such an abrupt manner pretty much proved he was not as brave as he had boasted. So ad embarrassment to the bill…

What do you do with someone like this? I'm content to let things stay the same for now, like I said, R was never one for deep or particularly interesting conversation; but my mom is coming in 2 weeks, so I'd like things to be a little less tense. Don't get me wrong, I am in NO mood to act like peacekeeper with a 27 yr old. But, I'm all ears to any suggestions...


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