Germy takes on...

Friday, August 12, 2005

...picking up a guy! (or rather, hooking up, in general).

Ok, hooking up. An activity as old as human beings. Done by all men, gay or straight (and plenty of girls too, haha). It's the hunt, it's the search to satisfy a deep-rooted need. Like eating; but not really, haha; the urge is very different, but also quite strong. Should this be an Olympic sport? I'm one to say "yes!". It requires skill, a good degree of innate talent, but also a lot of practice. Let the games begin!

Not too long ago I decided to meet up with some friends from work at a gay club here in town. There was going to be a Circuit Party from Miami and it was supposed to be the shit. So I agreed. On my way there I ran out of cell phone credit so when I arrived I had no idea where they were. So I was all alone at this huge place with this wild music and weird-ass aquatic life decorations (kind of like The Little Mermaid on meth; an extremely decadent "Under the Sea" musical number). I have to say I had never seen so many shirtless guys in a club before. Nice. The music was pretty cool also. Just the right mix of techno and pop.

I looked for my buds a few times, but to no avail. I actually ended up saying hi to the ex-bf of a college chum and meeting another college friend (WEIRD!). But I eventually gave up looking for my work colleagues. So then it occurred to me: I was at a club, alone; my roommate was out of town visiting his parents, so the apartment was all mine. Wow. Anybody for some casual sex? Germy was a hunter again.

There was plenty to choose from, so I went into stealth mode. The first thing one usually does (or should do, rather) when trying to hook-up is walk around and get a feel of the place you're in. How's the atmosphere? Stuck-up? Teeny-bopper? Bohemian rhapsody? Old and mature? Leather daddies? Do people look relaxed or are they just posing? All of this is valuable information for a hunter, I mean, hooker-upper. If it's your scene, you should continue. If not, ditch the place!

So I then staked-out potential candidates, or how I call them, "prey". This is the really fun part. You get to gawk at guys and it's OK, haha. This part is obviously very subjective, so I won't say much here. I'll just add that I tend to like stocky or well-built guys, not necessarily muscular, just not too skinny. I like some meat on my man! Haha.

Ok, now let's deal with a reality: being rejected totally sucks. Yes, I know, in theory, if you get rejected it should be no big deal and you just move on to the next candidate (i.e. "prey"). In reality, your ego takes a hard blow and you risk loosing interest all together. So you should be a little careful and evaluate your chances. Be honest with yourself (for better or for worse) and go for it. You basically have to look for people that a) You think are hot and b) Give positive feedback (more on this further down) . I think I have decent looks, and even though I'm tall and stuff I'm not that spectacular in the body department. These are all things you should take into consideration. Of course, if you have nerves of steel, more power to ya. If you're like me, you want to think a little before you leap. But not too much, haha.

The conventional hook-up method, and what you should always try first, is to cruise around and look for glances. This is what we call FEEDBACK. Return glances can be very subtle, but they are the easiest way to find out if someone is interested or not. Catch the right glance and you linger for a second or park yourself nearby. A second glance is confirmation. A third is pretty much a "Get over here, NOW!" billboard. A smile is always a plus, but not necessary.

Back when I used to go out with my buds in MTY, it was really easy to check out guys in my potential market. People in Mexico in general don't tend to be too tall, so whenever a nice, tall, dark and handsome rogue stepped into my line of sight, I immediately saw him... and he immediately saw me, way above the other dancing heads, haha. Oh, another tip: people who actually look like they're having a good time tend to hook-up more. So I highly recommend it, haha. Go out with friends, have a few drinks and a few laughs. Your social status actually rises if you seem to be oblivious to your surroundings. Weird, isn't it?

Ok, so you found a hottie, he looks just right. Pretty hot, not too hot that he's a big-headed asshole, not too bad-looking that he's a wallflower. But he doesn't seem to be glancing your way. And you've walked past him 3 times already! DAMMIT! Ok, this is time for plan B: just walk up and talk to him. Definitely the most nerve wracking approach. You can just be batted out of the ballpark, or they guy can be happily surprised you finally got up the guts to talk to him. While I was at this circuit party, the cruising techniques failed, so I homed in on two likely candidates. One was tall, dark-haired and well-built. The other was also tall, shaved head and somewhat slimmer.

Here’s another interesting piece of information (and motivation to bite the bullet and go up to someone): In my experience, like 90% of all guys want somebody ELSE to make the first move. Yes, I know, my percentage is not based on any study, but it just seems like most guys don't want to take the risk. This therefore leaves the door wide open for guys who are willing to take the lead. I once flat out told a guy "You know, I'm quite upset with you... I've been waiting for you to ask me to dance all night and I've had enough... so let's go to the dance floor, NOW". I got lucky and he was quite impressed by my boldness. I have no idea what I was on at the time, but it was worth its weight in gold, haha. I'm normally NOT that brave. Like I said, putting yourself out there raises the risk of being rejected... but, well, you only live once, haha.

Back to the circuit party, while I was pondering which guy I would make my move on, I decided to go to the bathroom and check out how the old good looks were holding up at 3am. This is always a good thing to do periodically. A little QA (Quality Assurance) never hurt anybody, haha. I saw myself in the mirror and was slightly surprised the hair was still looking good and I didn't look too sleepy. I got a confidence boost. And I returned. The first guy's name was Brian and he was visiting from Vancouver. Nice.

Unfortunately, I went home by myself. Germy the hunter abandoned the dark, dark forest empty-handed. No, the methodology is not full proof; you win some, you loose some. The point is to practice periodically (yes, like physical condition, hook-up condition can be affected by atrophy); the least it can do is remind you that you're alive and kicking. And Amen to that...


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